Wild Horses, Cas
by NCISBALTOFAN
Summary: (S8 Spoilers (story is set in S9), Sickfic! Destiel, Minor Sabriel). When Cas comes down with a bad case of Pneumonia it leaves Dean feeling more protective over his friend than ever, but will it also lead to Dean's admittance of his feelings towards his friend?
1. Prologue

Prologue

Castiel had felt funny for about a week after the fall. His breaths had become shallow and slow and he felt as if his chest was going to explode. He touched his cheek and found it to be hot, but hotter than usual. He had tasted the salt in his sweat for the past few days that he'd been staying at the Men Of Letters bunker with Sam and Dean. The fall had left him human and very confused and lost. He still hadn't gotten the hang of the way humans functioned and behaved and he doubted he would anytime soon, but what confused him the most after the fall was how he felt.

He felt he'd betrayed Dean beyond repair this time; the man couldn't even stand to look at him most times. He was too busy dealing with Kevin's findings and helping Sam get back on his own two feet that he hadn't even noticed Castiel, much less he hadn't even noticed Castiel was growing sick.

Castiel didn't know what was going on either. He'd felt dizzy for awhile and overheated. He'd taken his trench coat off numerous times throughout the day even though the bunker was kept at a desirable and comfortable temperature all day long. He'd felt weaker than ever before and his chest hurt like no tomorrow. He was honestly scared, he wanted to tell Dean, he'd wanted to tell him for a few days now, but he'd been scared to approach the man.

Castiel decided it was now or never, he had to tell Dean that he was feeling off. Surely Dean would know what to do. Castiel stood from his seat on his bed and begun to walk towards the living room where Dean was seated on the couch reading a magazine, Castiel approached slowly so as not to scare Dean too badly. Castiel though, suddenly felt his breath being deprived and he coughed hard and painfully clutched his chest. Dean's head spun around fast and he stood up quickly.

"Cas?" Dean asked, his voice filled with concern, he padded over towards the ex-angel and held him steady. "Cas you're burning up man…"

"D-Dean…" Castiel stammered and looked up into Dean's comforting green eyes, a look of sheer terror and pain ran through his electric blue ones. "I feel…funny…."

Castiel's vision was blurring and he coughed once again, it was a sort of barking cough that sent a pang of guilt and alarm through Dean. Dean touched Cas' forehead gently with the back of his hand and started to walk him towards the couch. Dean felt guilty that he hadn't noticed Cas' condition before, it was clear the ex-angel hadn't been feeling well for quite awhile.

Sam walked slowly out of his room. He had been almost completely healed from the stain the trials left on him, but he still was in no fighting condition. He watched silently as Dean dragged a hacking Castiel over towards the couch and laid him down gently upon the cushions.

"Cas ok?" Sam asked, walking over slowly to his brother and looking down at their friend.

"No." Dean sighed. "He's ill Sammy and it doesn't sound good…something in his chest."

"Chest cold?" Sam asked, giving Castiel a onceover before setting down the mug of coffee he'd been drinking.

"Sounds worse than that," Dean sighed and begun to remove Castiel's shoes and socks, he pulled the trench coat off of him gently even though Castiel reached and grabbed for it in protest. "Cas, man you have to take this off, it'll overheat you."

"D-Dean…" Castiel rasped out before a string of coughs took over and he grabbed his chest as he wheezed out his words. "H-Hurts…"

"Sssh Cas," Dean said, he knelt down to Castiel's level and felt his forehead again. "I know it hurts, c'mon man only you would fall from heaven and manage to end up with pneumonia somehow."

Castiel whimpered and coughed harder, each one causing Dean to jump a bit. Dean stood up and looked at Sam before walking into the kitchen. He grabbed a cup and poured some orange juice into it before walking back over to Castiel and helping him sit up. He held Castiel's shaking arm as the ex-angel lifted the cup towards his mouth and swallowed. He looked so pale and sickly it almost hurt Dean. Dean could've slapped himself for not noticing sooner.

He set the cup down on the coffee table and helped Castiel lay back down. He removed the unnecessary pillows and propped one behind Castiel's head for him to lie on. He, much to Sam's amusement, begun to undress Castiel until he was down to his boxers. Castiel tried not to blush, he felt almost naked now and he felt slightly awkward being this exposed in front of Dean. He felt a small bit of weight on his body and noticed Dean had laid a throw blanket over him.

"Get some sleep Cas…I mean if you can." Dean sighed, biting his lip. "I'll…I'll watch over you."

Castiel felt comforted at those words. He nodded and after a few more coughs he finally closed his eyes and his breathing seemed to even out. Dean backed up slowly so as not to wake him up and walked with Sam over towards the kitchen. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped the lid before taking a long swig.

"I saw the look in your eyes Dean." Sam commented, drinking his coffee and smiling a bit. "You really do care about him."

"Course I do." Dean said back, trying to hide the blush that had crawled up on his cheeks behind the beer can. "He's my friend Sammy, sure he did some pretty dickish things but…he's my friend."

"That's not what I mean Dean but ok whatever you say." Sam smirked a bit and walked back towards his room. Dean bitch faced him behind his back and then looked back over at Castiel who was somehow sound asleep.

He walked back over to the couch he'd been sitting on and set his beer down on the coffee table. He looked over at Castiel again. He looked so, weak. Dean hadn't seen him this vulnerable and scared before and honestly it scared Dean as well. Castiel had done of lot, he'd really betrayed them a few times, but Dean just couldn't bring himself to hate Castiel. He wasn't superman after all he couldn't do everything on his own and he couldn't do everything right all the time. Dean didn't envy him right now, being human and all.

He'd ignored Sam's earlier comment because he hadn't even wanted to admit Sam was right, not even to himself. Truth was he did care about Castiel, a lot. He'd felt twice as hurt before the fall when he'd learned of what Castiel had done, but now as he looked over at Castiel laying wheezing, pale, and sick on the couch all that anger suddenly melted away and Dean felt protective over his friend.

Dean's eyes didn't leave Castiel for the next two hours.

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**So this will be a two-shot or possibly a bit longer, I haven't decided yet :3 I hope you all enjoyed it so far and more is to come soon.**


	2. Chapter 1

One

Castiel felt nauseous. He opened his eyes slowly and looked around from his position on the couch. He swallowed back the bile that was rising in his throat and he slowly tried to sit up. He felt Dean's strong arms hold onto him from behind and help him sit steadily.

"Easy does it Cas." Dean said, helping him stay upright. He knelt in front of him so that he could meet his gaze. Castiel stared in a feverish haze into the hunter's comforting green eyes before he felt his stomach about drop to his feet. "Cas…are you gonna throw up?"

"I-I don't know what that is D-Dean…" Castiel lurched once forward and Dean rushed to the kitchen to get a bowl. He held it in front of Castiel and instructed him to lean over it. Castiel felt his body grow hotter and beads of sweat begun to form. He felt nervous and scared and before he knew it he threw up twice. His breaths in between were ragged and pained. Tears filled his eyes.

"M-Make it stop Dean make it stop!" Castiel cried out before vomiting a final time into the metal bowl Dean had given him. He felt the hunter's hand on his back slowly rubbing circles in the center of it. Castiel was shaking as Dean took the bowl away from him and placed it on the coffee table.

"I wish I could Cas…" Dean sighed and took Castiel's shaking hands in his own hoping to calm him down a bit. "I know that was scary, it's always scary when yah throw up."

"W-what's the point of doing so?" Castiel hiccupped once, an after effect of what had just happened and he moved to lay down again with Dean's help.

"Well it's kinda like eating in reverse Cas," Dean explained. He grabbed the cool washcloth from the coffee table and gingerly wiped at Castiel's forehead with it hoping to alleviate some of the heat. "You've got a virus right now, your stomachs just upset ok? It'll be ok."

"I-I'm scared Dean…" Castiel felt weak, powerless even as he touched Dean's hand and gently squeezed it as if he would fall if he let go. He'd never expressed fear before, not to anyone and it felt foreign.

"Me too Cas," Dean put the wet cloth on Castiel's forehead and squeezed back. "Me too."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean found himself at the nearest convenience store moments later gathering items for Castiel. So far he'd picked out cherry flavored cough medicine and fever reducer and a twelve pack of water bottles. He was currently in the candy aisle. He remembered when he was little and when he got sick and his mother would bring him lollipops and popsicles to suck on for his throat and fever. Dean dropped some various flavored lollipops into his handcart on top of the rocket pops he had dropped in there earlier.

He eyed the thermometers and he figured since the one at the bunker had been used by Sam for the past few weeks they could use a new, clean one. He dropped that in there too and walked to the register.

"Girlfriend sick?" the lady at the register asked as she rung up his items.

"Not exactly." Dean sighed and handed her the cash.

"I don't judge." She winked and bagged the items for him with a smile.

"Oh uh I meant they're uh," Dean found himself blushing. "They're for my friend; he's got a bad chest cold."

"I see." She smirked. "I hope he feels better soon."

Dean nodded and walked out of the store flustered. He dropped the bag down next to him in the Impala and pulled out of the parking lot. He couldn't understand why Castiel made him blush, sure he wasn't a bad looking guy generally speaking, but Dean had always only looked at women that way. What made Castiel so special?

"_Maybe cuz he saved you from Hell yah dumbass," _his brain wasn't the best companion right now. "_Or maybe because he's always stood by your side, never questioned anything you did, and look at you treating him badly for his fuck ups when you've made enough of your own to go in a record book Dean Winchester."_

"Shut up brain…" Dean muttered as he picked up the pace to get back to the bunker.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

When he walked back in he was greeted by Sam making a snack run in the kitchen for Kevin. Sam looked up and smiled at his brother. He handed him a new cloth freshly wettened with cold water and another bowl clean and empty.

"You buy like the whole damn store or what?" Sam chuckled.

"Bitch." Dean laughed and smirked before grabbing the cloth and bowl and tucking them under his arm. "I just want him to get better."

"I know yah do Dean." Sam nodded. "You care about him."

"So what if I do?" Dean snipped a bit, but it was followed by the blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"Dean geez!" Sam said. "There's no need to get defensive every time I bring it up, I know how you feel. We all do. I mean its pretty fricken obvious."

"Yeah well maybe I do Sammy," Dean was blushing worse now as he unpacked the items he'd bought for Castiel who was currently asleep on the couch, curled up under the throw blanket. "But he'd never reciprocate."

"And just how do you know that Dean?" Sam asked. "Don't pull that whole insecure bullshit you always do. This is Cas we're talking about, the former angel who follows you around like a lovesick puppy, the one who never stopped believing in you even when you messed up. He killed his own kind; he disobeyed, all for you. Now if that isn't love, I don't know what is."

Dean was taken aback and shocked by Sam's words. All of what his brother had just said was true, but still there was a part of Dean that was always afraid. He knew it was because of his father, the way he chose to hide his emotions and never show them. The reason why he always beat himself down. Dean just couldn't believe anyone could ever love him in that way, much less a former angel of the lord.

Sam left the kitchen with food and Dean grabbed two popsicles and the other items and walked over to the couch where Castiel was resting. He gently touched Castiel's shoulder and shook him lightly to wake him. Castiel groaned and Dean was met with the sickly watery eyes of his friend and a round of goose-like coughing. Dean patted and rubbed Castiel's back until his coughing fit was over and he helped him sit up again.

"You need fluids in you one way or another to help the fever go down," Dean explained and handed Castiel an unwrapped popsicle; he fiddled with the thermometer and finally held it up to Castiel's mouth. "Keep this under your tongue until it beeps."

Castiel cocked his head in confusion, but he obeyed Dean and stuck the foreign object in his mouth and under his tongue. Dean waited a few moments until it beeped before he pulled it out of his friend's mouth and observed it. Castiel broke into another coughing fit but luckily this one was short lived.

"102 Cas," Dean sighed and cleared the device before unwrapping his own popsicle and sucking on the tip of it, he tried not to think about how gay that looked in front of Castiel and he hoped it didn't look provocative in any way. "That's not bad but it's not great either, I'd feel better if it were lower."

"Why would you feel better? You are not ill Dean? Unless I have infected you in which case I apologize." Castiel slowly sucked on the popsicle unenthusiastically, he looked paler than before but he didn't look nauseous anymore.

"Nah Cas I'm fine." Dean said. "You're just scaring me a bit man, I mean pneumonia can be serious shit sometimes."

"I'll try not to scare you Dean." Castiel chuckled and finished his popsicle, placing the wrapper on the coffee table on top of Dean's and wiping his eyes.

"I just can't lose yah man." Dean chuckled nervously. "You're my rock, you keep me grounded and I just…can't imagine this place without yah."

"I'm not going anywhere Dean." Castiel said, placing his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I haven't the strength to stand much less walk."

Dean looked over at the blank television then picked up the remote, changing from TV to AV1. He stood and walked over to the shelf.

"How about a movie?" he suggested, he hoped it would take Castiel's mind off his chest. Castiel nodded and Dean picked out what he deemed to be a good movie. "If you haven't seen The Breakfast Club, you haven't lived yet."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Hours later day turned into night and Dean found himself with Castiel's head on his lap and his eyelids were drooping.

"I don't understand what that movie had to do with breakfast at all Dean." Castiel stated, a few small coughs pounding out of his chest before Dean stood up to take the movie out of the DVD player Kevin had installed in his spare time.

"It's a symbolism thing Cas," Dean wearily stretched. He didn't feel like explaining it all to Castiel tonight. "Anyways I'm gonna hit the sack, you need anything before I leave?"

"No Dean thank you though." Castiel said before pulling the blanket closer to him. Dean re-wet the cloth and placed it on Castiel's forehead again.

"The bowl's right there if you feel sick again, that cloth should last for awhile but just try to sleep ok?" Dean instructed him. "I'll be in my room right there down the hall, if you need anything just yell my name."

Castiel nodded and closed his eyes. Dean bit his lip and resisted the urge to kiss him on the forehead like his mother had so often done when Dean was sick as child. He found it all too weird, so instead he grabbed himself a glass of water and walked off to his room. He listened for a few hours to Castiel's soft wheezy breathing before he found himself nodding off.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean wasn't sleeping well. He was tossing and turning with his usual nightmares until he was abruptly awoken and shot up straight in bed. He reached for his glass of water since he'd agreed with Sam he'd stop "curing" himself with alcohol. Dean sat over the edge of the bed, glass of water in hand and tried to calm his breathing.

He suddenly saw Sam bust through his door with a scared look on his face. Dean was slightly lost in a dreamy haze but that was only until Sam spoke.

"Dean! It's Cas!" Sam said with alarm. "Something's wrong!"

At those words Dean didn't even remember the next few moments. He pushed past Sam and tore down the hallway to the living room. He didn't even hear the sound of glass shattering as his glass of water hit the solid floor with a crash.

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**HAHA cliff hanger! What's wrong with Cas you ask?**

**Find out in the next chapter ;)**

**I know I'm evil. More to come soon.**


	3. Chapter 2

**~Two~**

Dean felt his heart constrict and it felt as if it was going to beat out of his chest. He'd hunted countless monsters, killed numbers upon numbers of bad things, but the sound of Castiel's ragged lack of breath was the scariest thing he'd ever faced. He ran fast, everything around him was a blur. All that was on his mind was reaching Castiel.

When he did Castiel was struggling for breath. His eyes flashed with terror splitting through them. He reached upwards towards Dean who kneeled before him and took his hand and squeezed it. Castiel coughed, some phlegm leaking onto his bottom lip and Dean wiped it away with a tissue.

"Cas! Cas!" Dean was starting to hyperventilate a bit himself. "Sssh it's ok Cas, it'll be ok Cas."

"D-ean…" Castiel managed to squeak out a few words in between trying to grasp for breath. "T-a-lking…k-keep…"

Dean realized Castiel was still scared, but he seemed calm in his presence. He wanted Dean to keep talking to him. Dean racked his brain for things to say.

"W-What do you want me to say Cas?" Dean asked tears were actually brimming in the corners of his eyes.

"A-nything…" Castiel managed a weak smile before he was coughing again and wheezing for breath.

"O-ok uh…" Dean bit his lip. "Violets are purple, you're Castiel an angel of the lord, I'm Dean Winchester I was born in Lawrence Kansas, five times f-five is twenty five…p-pi is 3.14…"

He was trying to say anything, anything so Castiel could hear his voice but he found himself breaking down in tears while Castiel still struggled to breathe. Kevin and Sam came up the rear and stared breathlessly at a clearly pained Castiel and Dean spouting gibberish, to them, from his mouth.

"Dean?" Sam said, pulling on his coat and Kevin followed in suit. "He needs the hospital, he can't breathe."

"S-Sammy…" Dean said. "Sssh Cas its ok its ok, Sammy that'll terrify him."

"But this being here without medical help will kill him Dean!" Kevin exclaimed. "What do you want more?"

Dean looked into Kevin's eyes then Castiel's he sighed and stroked Castiel's hair then placed his forehead to Castiel's. His fever was high, higher than before when Dean had taken his temperature. Dean didn't want those doctors to put their greedy little paws on Castiel. He wanted to heal him, he wanted to help him.

"Keep talking to him." Sam said, pulling out his phone. "I'll call an ambulance and give em some address near this place then I'll take him there ok Dean?"

Dean didn't hear Sam. He could hear the wheezes deep in Castiel's chest and his ragged breaths landing on Dean's neck. Kevin watched, sighing and hoping to God wherever he was that Castiel would be alright. Sam had just gotten off the phone with the ambulance by the time Dean could even focus on the world around him.

"They'll be here ASAP Dean," Sam explained. "C'mon move let me take him to the nearest motel."

"W-why can't they come here?" Dean demanded. "Why can't they pick him up here?!"

"Dean you know why." Sam sad sternly. "They're normal people who know nothing about hunting; I had to give them a fake location so as not to blow our cover, so please let me take Cas there it's his only chance."

Dean wiped his eyes and his bottom lip quivered slightly in frustration and fear for his friend, but he reluctantly moved aside and watched as Sam picked Castiel up in his arms and wrapped him in the throw blanket from the couch. Dean's stomach dropped to his feet when he realized how pale Castiel really was. Castiel thrashed a bit from being scared and looked around weakly for Dean. Dean walked closer and took Castiel's hand for a moment to show he was there before Sam walked briskly out to the Impala and took Castiel away. Kevin followed closely behind Sam and shut the door behind them.

Dean was going to follow, but he found his feet to be metaphorically glued to the floor. His legs felt weak and jelly-like as if he could fall in any second. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and a sick feeling settled in his stomach. He'd dealt with many things before, Sam being sick and dying, he'd seen people die, he'd seen people in hospitals before but this time it felt different and he couldn't understand why. It felt as if his whole world was coming crashing down around him.

"_It's because you're in love with him…" _his thoughts never failed to betray him by reminding him of that.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Day turned to dusk and Dean sat in the bunker heavy hearted and tired eyed. He'd stolen a beer (or maybe three) from the fridge and graciously drunken all of them. He heard footsteps through the hallway and looked up to see Sam and Kevin both red-eyed and tired as well.

"He's stable now." Sam said, but it came out more like a delicate whisper. "They pumped his lungs, they got most of the gunk out but it's quickly regenerating, they're gonna keep him under watch and in there probably for a little while."

"Is he allowed visitors yet…?" Dean croaked out, he hadn't said a word in hours.

"Yeah he is, but he's sleeping right now." Kevin said.

"I don't care…" Dean gulped down the rest of his beer and rubbed his tired red eyes. "I wanna see him now."

Kevin and Sam exchanged a look before sighing and Sam tossed Dean the keys to the Impala.

"Just don't get pulled over." Sam sat down on the couch. "You stink like beer."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

When Dean arrived at the hospital he parked in the space nearest to the double entrance doors and walked through them silently. He looked around without words; people were rushing every which way with stretchers and clipboards. It was worse than a feeding frenzy on shark week. They all became blurred lines to Dean though as he walked up to the cool green information counter.

"Hi." Dean said, clearing his throat.

"Name please?" the receptionist smiled a bit and typed away at her computer.

"Dean Winchester." Dean didn't bother coming up with some alias or remembering the ones Sam used. "I'm here for…Castiel Winchester."

"Ah yes." The receptionist said. "Nurse Jackie will take you to his room."

Nurse Jackie, Dean presumed walked up to him and took his arm. She held a clipboard and a few tissues in her hands which she handed to Dean.

"Your brothers I presume were here earlier," Nurse Jackie explained. "They looked worried, but they said that you were the one most worried of them all. I take it you and Castiel are close?"

"We…share a profound bond." Dean couldn't think of anything else to say.

"He asked about you a lot," Nurse Jackie explained with a small sympathetic smile. "Before we put him under to pump the fluid out of his lungs, he asked where Dean was."

"I was taking care of him before he got here…" Dean explained. "For once I guess I was kind of his angel."

Nurse Jackie nodded and took in Dean's words before leading him to a quiet room with the lights turned off. In the bed lay Castiel, still pale and flushed with fever but asleep and breathing as comfortably as one could with a clogged chest. An IV ran into his arm and he had a breathing tube going up his nose. He looked so fragile and sick that Dean felt bad for even being in the room, he needed rest, but Dean wanted to be there for him.

"Visiting hours ended two hours ago." Nurse Jackie said. "But you can stay as long as you need to, he won't wake up for awhile though."

"Thank you." Dean nodded and walked over to the seat next to Castiel as Nurse Jackie closed the door.

"Dammit Cas…" Dean cursed and brought his hand up to cover his mouth. He let some more tears fall. "You scared me half to death man, what did I tell you about leaving me?"

Castiel didn't reply, Dean didn't expect him to but it still felt alien for Dean to be the one watching over Castiel while he slept. As Dean's eyes traced Castiel's rising and falling chest he felt the sick feeling return. He'd failed his friend, if only he'd been more vigilant, if only he'd stayed awake to watch him and help him before it had gotten worse.

All Dean could do was take Castiel's hand in his as he stood to leave.

"Don't leave me now Cas…" Dean choked out before he had to leave the room to avoiding crying.

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**So Castiel's in the hospital now?**

**Will he be ok?**

**And more importantly will Dean admit his hidden feelings to Cas?**

**More to come soon guys **


	4. Chapter 3

~Three~

Dean rubbed his tired eyes and shut the door on the Impala as he walked up to the hospital's front doors with Sam by his side. Kevin had stayed behind at the bunker to continue to work on the whole tablet and angels falling from heaven business. Sam put his hands into his pockets after smoothing back his hair. He wasn't sure what to say to Dean. Dean hadn't slept a wink since last night when they'd admitted Castiel to the hospital and he looked more tired than Sam had ever seen him in his life.

"He'll be ok Dean." Sam said out of habit, he'd been saying that a lot lately.

"I know." Dean said halfheartedly as if he didn't believe Sam.

The bags under Dean's eyes remained unchanged and Sam sighed. He walked with his brother up to the check in desk and signed his name down to see Castiel. Nurse Jackie smiled big and walked over to the boys before leading them to Castiel's room where he lay awake, but tired in bed.

"Hey Cas…" Dean smiled; it was relieving to know that he was awake.

"Hello Dean." Castiel smiled weakly and coughed a bit as Dean moved closer to his bedside. "I hope I didn't frighten you too badly last night?"

"Yah scared the hell outta me actually." Dean chuckled and sat down on the chair next to Castiel's bed. "Sammy's here too."

"Hey Cas." Sam said with a small smile and he took the other seat opposite Dean.

"The food here is atrocious Dean." Castiel smiled at Dean, his voice coming out in a serious of wheezy breaths just barely forming words. That made Dean's heart sink; he hated to think of Castiel so weak and so helpless in a hospital bed with an oxygen tube and an IV. He'd never seen Castiel in this state before.

"Yeah hospital food sucks." Dean chuckled. "I'll try to bring yah some food from the bunker on occasion ok?"

"I'd like that." Castiel nodded.

Sam, Dean, and Castiel spent the next hour talking about various subjects with occasional coffee breaks on the side. Sam studied the way Dean was looking at Castiel and he couldn't help but smile. The way Dean would laugh at Castiel's comments or the way he'd make Castiel smile with what he said. It was clear, Dean was in love. Sam almost felt like a third wheel. He excused himself, saying he was going home to see if Kevin needed help in anyway and he'd leave Dean the car. Sam exited the room leaving Dean and Castiel alone.

"You look as if you haven't slept well Dean?" Castiel cocked his head in typical "Cas" fashion. "I haven't really slept well either, with an exception of last night."

"Yeah well when they knock you out with painkillers," Dean replied. "You tend to sleep pretty well, actually Cas I haven't really slept a wink."

"If you're worried about me Dean you don't have to be?" Castiel said.

"Well see…I kinda do Cas." Dean sighed, he really hated explaining the things he said, especially when he couldn't figure them out himself. "Truth is I worry about you all the time whether I realize it or not."

"Because I'm human." Castiel's smile faded and he looked away from Dean as if he was hiding shame.

"No," Dean explained before he smiled. "Because you're my angel. We DO share a more profound bond after all."

"I'm not an angel anymore Dean…" Castiel sighed, he hung his head and a few tears dotted the corners of his eyes. He then felt Dean's hand in his and his head shot up.

"Metatron, you know he's a dick, and he may have taken your wings from you," Dean said, squeezing Castiel's hand the same way he had before when Castiel had been struggling to breathe in the bunker. "And he may have taken your grace, but he never took your spirit away Cas, you'll always be an angel to me."

Castiel's smile returned almost immediately.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean had taken a walk after Nurse Jackie had come in to give Castiel his sponge bath. Dean figured it'd be best if he didn't stick around for that. The garden surrounding the hospital was beautiful. Flowers of all kinds, roses, gardenias, daises, were in full bloom in a burst of colors and designs. Dean reached over and cupped the petals of a red rose in his fingers. He'd never really abided by the expression "stop and smell the roses" before, he hadn't ever really had the time to enjoy the little things in life before. He bent down, closing his eyes and sniffing it.

"Smells good doesn't it?" a young voice from across the way said, Dean looked up to see a teenage girl. She was probably around seventeen. She was completely bald and she looked very pale and frail. She carried an oxygen tank with her and she was sitting in her hospital gown across from the small bubbling fish pond.

"Yeah it does." Dean replied. "You all alone?"

"Yeah." She chuckled and scooted over, Dean sat down next to her a bit reluctantly but he looked forward at the pond. "It's all amazing isn't it? Life that is."

"Yeah I suppose it is." Dean replied, all he could hear was the bubbling water in front of him it was as if the rest of the world didn't exist right now.

"Is someone you care about really sick like me?" she asked.

"Nah." Dean said. "He's got pneumonia, he's under watch but he'll be ok."

"He's lucky." The girl chuckled before rubbing her hands together on her lap. "I got six more months of this place."

"Then you're out?" Dean inquired.

"Something like that." She nodded. "Let's just say I'll stop and smell those roses a hell of a lot more often, I'm Megan by the way."

"Dean." Dean introduced himself. "You come out here a lot?"

"It's a good place to think," Megan replied. "But I'm actually just waiting for my family to get here and my boyfriend Zach, we're all gonna eat together today I think. I can't wait to see Zach though, he's just something else."

"You two been together long?" Dean asked.

"Four years." She nodded. "We're about to graduate high school; I even had a full run to college. He's going to Penn State. But we promised we'd keep in touch. Call me crazy but I think I'm in love."

"Now just how do you know you're in love young lady?" Dean joked with her; she seemed awfully young to be talking about love. As much as Dean didn't want to admit it he needed advice right now even if it was coming from a seventeen year old girl.

"Zach just…" she replied. "He took my breath away the second I met him, he was such a gentleman, he makes me laugh, feel good about myself even though I'm dying of terminal cancer…I guess that's the only drawback to our relationship."

She chuckled, but Dean could tell it was a sad one. Here he was in a garden with a teenage girl, her entire life ahead of her and she wasn't going to get to see it. She'd be leaving her boyfriend, whom she obviously loved behind and alone. That was honestly the saddest story Dean had heard in his entire life and he'd heard a lot.

"But he could've ditched me yah know," she continued. "But he didn't he still visits me every week just to be with me, I may be young but I know what love is. It's not giving up on a person no matter what they put you through, no matter what your scars or past may be. Total acceptance and loyalty, now that's love."

"I'm sorry," Dean replied. "That he has to lose such a nice and wonderful girl like you."

"I'm sorry too that I have to leave him," she stood from the bench and smiled at Dean. "Never wait a day to tell someone you love them, that's what I say, cuz that's the thing about being human, you never know when you're not going to be able to tell them again."

She walked away towards the entrance of the hospital, leaving Dean alone in his thoughts. He watched the gurgling fountain with a sad smile. What Megan had said was true, but he couldn't just up and tell Castiel that he loved him. Dean Winchester hadn't uttered those words to anyone in his life not even Sam; he had to be sure that Castiel felt the same way before Dean exposed his thoughts to him.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean walked back down the cold hospital hallway, a red rose from the garden in his hand. He felt his cheeks flush when people looked at him. Roses were a symbol of love. That was declaration enough for one day wasn't it? He smoothed his hair back and walked into Castiel's room. Castiel turned his head towards the door and smiled when Dean walked through it.

The hospital's TV was tuned to the news channel and the volume was turned down so far that the words coming out of the reporter's mouth were almost unintelligible. Castiel seemed uninterested in the current events of the world anyway. Dean grinned and handed Castiel the rose.

"Careful of the thorns." Dean warned him.

"It's beautiful." Castiel sniffed it and smiled. "Thank you Dean."

"Thought you might want a piece of the outside world." Dean replied with a smile. "There's no color in here."

"Again thank you," Castiel reached over to the side table next to his bed and set the rose down. "I'll tell Nurse Jackie to bring a…I believe they're called vases, a vase for it."

"How many more days you got in this joint?" Dean asked, he was eager for Castiel to be out of here. "Did Nurse Jackie tell you?"

"They still have me under observation." Castiel's sentence was cut off by a few harsh coughs then he continued. "They're watching the fluid in my lungs to make sure it doesn't regenerate and if it does I need to be here."

"Oh…yeah that's probably a good idea." Dean mumbled a bit, he averted his gaze to the window where the sunlight poured in.

"I'll be out Dean." Castiel nodded reassuringly and he lay back down, his eyes drooped tiredly and he shut them to nap. Dean couldn't help but stare. He looked so peaceful and well, angel like. Dean smiled and stood to leave.

"Get some sleep Cas." Dean said as he took his leave. "I'll be back tomorrow."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

The only light on in the bunker was Dean's bedroom light. He sat on his bed drinking a beer and staring up at the ceiling. Even though he didn't believe in God he'd hoped that SOMEONE would at least give him a sign. He'd tried to read, something he didn't do often at all, but to no avail. He'd settled for listening to the radio on the CD player he'd dug out of the basement at the bunker when they'd first arrived there.

The only tapes in the bunker originally were voice recordings of the Men of Letters' experiments on demons. All of Dean's tapes were in his car and he'd somehow managed to be lazy enough to not go and get them. He'd luckily found a station that played a pretty decent mix of songs. Some were slow, some fast but not too fast.

"_And that was a cover sung by The Sundays of Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones." _The radio announcer said.

"Stones did it better…" Dean grumbled, finishing his beer.

_"And here is I Don't Want To Wait by Paula Cole coming at you live on this nice Friday night." _The radio announcer said before putting the song on and silencing himself.

As Dean listened to the words his brain's gears begun to spin. He grabbed a pad of paper from inside of his side table and fumbled to find a pen. He quickly wrote down the name of the song that was playing now and the ones that followed long into the night. He wrote until his hand hurt and his eyelids fell closed.

**Read and Review**

**So will Dean finally admit it? **

**I mean he got life advice from a fricken seventeen year old I mean c'mon Dean!**

**And why's he writing down song names? **

**More to come soon guys **


	5. Chapter 4

~Four~

Dean hadn't slept very well yet again when he and Sam arrived back at the hospital the next day. Kevin had decided to tag along this time to take a break from his Prophet duties. Dean carried the notepad with the songs he'd written down inside his jacket. He didn't want Sam or Kevin to see it.

"So?" Sam asked. "What was with that music you were listening to last night, I heard it for awhile last night."

"Just thought I'd switch it up once in awhile Sammy is that a crime?" Dean about snapped at his brother, he felt embarrassed enough for listening to the songs last night.

"No dude geez," Sam held his hands up in defense. "Just wondering is all."

Dean briskly walked to the check in desk and sighed himself in followed by Sam and Kevin. He was only alarmed when Nurse Jackie didn't immediately greet them. The secretary told them to wait in the nearby chairs and that she was attending to something else at the time.

Dean sat down and smiled when he saw a familiar face walking his way. Megan smiled back and sat down next to him.

"Hey Dean." Megan said, she waved at Sam and Kevin too. "Are these your brothers?"

"Sam is," Dean pointed to his brother. "Kevin is just a friend. You happen to know where Nurse Jackie is."

"Yeah," Megan nodded. "She's attending to this other patient they just took in today, he was in pretty bad shape too, and this older guy brought him in bleeding in his arms he looked like he'd almost gotten mangled by something. The older guy said a car hit him. The nurses took him into surgery immediately but he was out cold. The older guy kept saying "Gabriel" though, I couldn't tell if was praying or if that was the guy's name."

"Did you say Gabriel…?" Sam asked almost breathlessly, Dean saw his brother's look turn to one of concern almost immediately. Dean had hated Gabriel, but had grown fond of him too late; Gabriel had died as far as Dean knew unless that too had been a trick. "D-Did he really look that bad…?"

"He looked pretty messed up, that car must've hit him hard." Megan replied. "Why? Did you know him?"

"Yeah…" Sam gulped. "I did…"

"They just took him into surgery." Megan concluded. "He'll probably be out soon though, they're fast here."

Dean knew Sam had a soft spot for the annoying archangel; he didn't call it love necessarily. It was more mutual understanding of one another. Dean sighed and looked down the hallway half expecting Nurse Jackie to appear and the other half of him knew she probably wouldn't for awhile. He then studied his brother's expression which was honestly sad. Sam was worried; it showed in his eyes as he stared down at the cold white hospital floor.

"You gonna be ok Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Yeah I'll be fine." Sam nodded. Somehow though Dean didn't believe that.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Nurse Jackie appeared frazzled and tired thirty minutes later. She walked over to Dean and tapped him on the shoulder. He stood almost immediately.

"I'm sorry for the wait, we had a car accident victim and then Castiel…" she trailed off a moment, clearly her mind was a million places at once.

"Castiel is what?" Dean asked his stomach dropped to his feet.

"He's ok." She replied. "He's just running a high fever again, it spiked back up last night unexpectedly we tried to get it down but it's being stubborn."

Dean gulped. He pressed his right hand into a fist so tight that his fingernails dug into his palm and he could've sworn he'd made it bleed. Right when he'd thought Castiel was going to ok he relapsed.

"He's sleeping right now," Nurse Jackie hushed her voice down to a whisper as she led Dean, Sam, and Kevin towards Castiel's room. Megan had left for her room moments earlier. "We gave him medicine; we're just waiting for it to kick in. He'll be tired most of today probably, if he needs anything when he wakes up just beep me. I have to check on the car accident victim."

"What was his name?" Sam asked Nurse Jackie, his voice shaky. "Megan said…I mean I think I might know him."

"His name we've been told by his supposed brother is Gabriel." She said. "We're working on a last name right now."

"Thanks I uh…" Sam croaked out. "I'll uh…let you know if I know him later."

"Sure thing." Nurse Jackie nodded and left the room in a hurry. Kevin and Sam sat down opposite Dean who watched Castiel closely. Castiel looked slightly paler than he had yesterday, but not as pale as he'd been the night he'd been admitted. Dean watched the gentle rise and fall of Castiel's chest and sighed. He wanted so badly for Castiel to be better and to be out of this place.

_"And to be in my arms…" _Dean found himself thinking, he didn't know where that had even come from.

Castiel stirred awake and he met Dean's gentle smiling eyes. He could barely keep his eyes open, but he managed to long enough to see that Dean wasn't alone.

"Hey Cas." Kevin said. "Sorry I haven't visited recently, just been busy yah know being a Prophet and all."

"It's quite alright Kevin." Castiel rasped out, a hoarse cough tore out of his mouth and through his lungs, it all made Dean's stomach hurt, to see him like this.

"Yeah Cas," Sam nodded. "Sorry we haven't visited we just know…well Dean sometimes time alone with you."

Sam smiled over at his older brother and Dean returned it. There was no teasing in Sam's statement which Dean was grateful for. Dean reached over and rubbed Castiel's arm up and down.

"I think we'll split for awhile." Sam nodded again and stood to leave with Kevin. "I've got…other people I need to…anyway Dean'll stay here right Dean?"

"Yeah I'll stay." Dean nodded back and watched his brother and Kevin take their leave, shutting the door quietly behind them. Dean gently reached out and touched Castiel's forehead with the back of his hand.

"Fever's back Cas." Dean said. "You just never give up do yah?"

"I apologize for being unwell still Dean." Castiel coughed again, a bit of phlegm landing on his bottom lip. Dean grabbed a tissue and reached over, wiping it away.

"S'okay Cas." Dean said, he reached out his hand to Castiel's back and started rubbing circles on the center of it. "It's ok…"

They stayed in comfortable silence for a few moments before either man spoke. Dean pulled his hand away from Castiel's back and sheepishly pulled out the notepad from the inside of his jacket. Castiel cocked his head as best he could at Dean.

"I uh…" Dean stumbled on his words a bit. "I heard a few songs last night, well more than a few and they all weren't what I typically listen to mind you Cas, but I thought that since you're stuck here…you'd like to hear them?"

"Yes Dean I would." Castiel smiled. "But there's no radio in here?"

"I thought that maybe I could…" Dean trailed off, biting his lip slightly and blushing as he smiled. "Sing them to you?"

"I'd like that very much Dean." Castiel nodded.

Dean scanned the list, he didn't want to start out with anything too lovey dovey or mushy. He wanted a song that Castiel would enjoy, not analyze but knowing Castiel Dean figured he would anyway.

"How about this one?" Dean showed Castiel the title, _I Don't Want To Wait_ by Paula Cole. Castiel seemed content with this one. "It's from the point of view of a housewife I think, she's singing to her husband whose away at war, if you don't like that one I can pick another one?"

"I don't care Dean." Castiel replied. "I just like…hearing your voice."

Dean blushed harder at that, but he covered it up with a smile and tried to remember the words as he'd heard them. He'd sung them over and over again in his head on the way over here, that song had stuck with him the most out of all of them. The introduction to song was beautiful in Castiel's opinion but the rest of the words told the story Dean had spoken of earlier.

"_She had two babies, one was six but one was three…" _Dean begun, he had to change the pitch slightly to match his voice and tone but it turned out not half bad. "_In the war of forty four…"_

Castiel leaned into his pillow and his eyes followed Dean's lips which were pouring out lyrics and melody in an almost rhythmic and hypnotic pattern. His eyes went back and forth.

_"Every time the phone rang every heartbeat stinging when she thought that it was God calling her."_

Dean sang. Castiel's eyes went back and forth still.

_"The years passed by and now he had granddaughters."_

Back and forth.

_"And I don't wanna do what his father and his father and his father did I wanna be here now."_

Back and forth, Castiel's eyelids drooped he was losing focus fast and succumbing to sleep.

_"Will it be yes or will it be…sorry."_

Dean's voice was heaven to him right now, so heaven-like he fell asleep peacefully to it.

**Read and Review **

**So yeah I brought Gabriel back, there MAY be SLIGHT Sabriel later on in this story but the main focus is Destiel so don't worry I won't take away from them. **

**So Dean's gonna sing to Castiel for awhile isn't that cute? :3**

**I hope you all are enjoying so far, more to come soon.**


	6. Chapter 5

~Five~

Sam nervously walked into the room that Gabriel had been checked into. He didn't know why he was nervous, but he was. He sighed and walked in quietly. Gabriel looked worse for wear. He was cut up and stitched up, he had a matching IV and breathing tube with Castiel, but he looked less pale than Castiel did. Gabriel's chest was rising and falling slowly which worried Sam even more.

The former archangel had betrayed him and Dean sure, he'd been a jerk and caught Sam in a time loop, and then there was TV land. Sam hadn't ever forgotten any of that, but he understood now why Gabriel had done all of it. He'd been trying to teach Sam a lesson at the time and even if Sam hadn't listened then he was listening now. Sam cocked his head and sat down next to Gabriel's bedside. His eyes traced the scars that were forming on Gabriel's neck and arms.

"Gabriel…" Sam sighed and he bit his lip before raking his fingers through Gabriel's hair.

"S-am…?" Gabriel rasped out and his eyes fluttered open.

"Gabriel you're awake." Sam said. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a car." Gabriel groaned. "Oh wait…I did."

Gabriel sighed and Sam did too. He saw a look of sadness flash through the former archangel's eyes. Sam cupped his cheek and smiled at him.

"Gabriel I'm sorry you got hurt." Sam said. "I know it's not my fault, but still."

"It's fine Sam." Gabriel explained. "It's just hard to accept that, first of all I lost my powers and second that…somebody's actually here to see me."

"I know we kinda got off on the wrong foot to begin with but," Sam bit his lip and shifted in his chair. "I know why you did what you did and I forgive you for what it did for Dean and me."

"Glad I could be of service kiddo." Gabriel smirked; he then winced when we sat up. He had large bruises covering all of his body and he just felt horrible.

"Get some more sleep Gabriel." Sam said. "I'll be here."

-8-8-8-8-8-

_"I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand…"_

_"If I lay here…if I just lay here…would you lie with my and just forget the world…"_

_"Hey now hey now, don't dream it's over…"_

Dean had gone halfway down the song list he'd constructed for Castiel, but he stopped after the fourth song because Castiel was sound asleep. He raked his fingers through Castiel's ink black hair and sighed. He wanted him to be better. He wanted to get him out of here. The fever had spiked yet again so he pressed the nurse's call button and silently stepped out of the room.

He walked into the "entertainment" wing as the hospital called it and looked around, people were sitting and reading books, talking with one another and playing board games.

"Hey stranger!" Megan said, motioning Dean to come over and sit and he did so. "Wanna play checkers?"

"I'm not very good at it but ok." Dean set up the red checkers and Megan set up the black ones. They studied each other's moves for a moment before anyone spoke.

"Is Castiel doing any better?" she asked, jumping one of Dean's checkers and taking it.

"His fever came back and his breathing's a bit off but he's ok for the most part." Dean jumped two of her checkers and smirked when he took them. "I never once told you his name? How'd you know it?"

"When you've been here as long as I have," Megan sighed, but she smiled when she took another one of Dean's checkers. "You have nothing much else to do but learn everybody's names."

"How long exactly have you been here?" Dean asked, his smile fell a bit. He took another checker of hers.

"I've been in and out of here all of my life, lost my hair and grown it back." She sighed again. "I've lost a lot of friends too…"

"Why?" Dean seemed a bit pissed at that statement. "You can't help it if you get terminal cancer, they're just…dicks if they think otherwise."

"Thanks Dean." She chuckled a bit. "But I wasn't finished talking, I've lost a lot of friends but I've also gained so many real ones over the years. If anything I learned an important lesson."

"And what's that?" Dean cocked his head at her.

"You can't win at life." She jumped Dean's last checker and took it with a smile on her face. "Unless you play the game."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Love was hard, but what was harder was watching the person Dean loved lying helpless in bed. Dean figured if he could get through this than he could get through anything. Nothing had prepared him for Castiel having a relapse though. Nurse Jackie had taken Castiel back to surgery to pump his lungs again and Dean had paced the floor so much he thought it would leave a dent. He put his hand over his mouth and tried to resist the urge to cry. Dean Winchester didn't cry, not unless it was important. Oh hell, Castiel was important enough for that he determined and he let some tears flow free. They didn't stop until Nurse Jackie came back into the room.

"He's gotten worse again," she sighed. "It just won't give up. We'll need to keep him here a bit longer just until the fever breaks. I'm going to bring him back in now, but he'll be a bit drowsy from the draining."

Dean nodded and stepped out of the way as they wheeled Castiel back in. He looked so thin and pale; he'd had nothing but fluids for the past few days and very little food. Dean bit his lip and looked down at his friend. He took Castiel's hand in his and stroked along his knuckles. Nurse Jackie smiled and then lifted Castiel back into his bed, re-hooking up the IV and breathing machine and stepping away. Dean took a step closer and sat down where he'd been before the wheeled Castiel away.

"I'll be staying overnight." Dean informed her. "Tell my brother, I think he's with his friend Gabriel."

"I'll let him know." She nodded and left.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Day turned into night and Dean stayed by Castiel's side. He didn't leave once, not even for coffee which was solely what was keeping his eyes open since he hadn't slept in days. Castiel's hand was sweaty but Dean didn't care, he still held it for as long as Castiel would let him.

Suddenly though, Castiel's breathing became labored again and he coughed hard and loudly. He wheezed and panted, trying to breathe again. A surge of fear went through Dean and he found himself lying next to Castiel facing him in his bed. He was careful not to disturb any of the equipment attached to Castiel. He rubbed his back gently.

"_Childhood living is easy to do, the things that you wanted I bought them for you," _Dean sang gently, trying to match the cover by the Sundays that he'd heard on the radio the night before, he changed the lyrics a bit too. "_Graceless mister you know who I am, I can't let you slide through my hands…"_

The words had flowed out of Dean like fluid water in a waterfall as had his tears. He ran his fingers through Castiel's hair and scooted just a bit closer to him. He choked a bit on his tears and stared at Castiel. The lyrics couldn't have been truer; he couldn't let Castiel slide through his hands.

"_And wild horses couldn't drag me away…" _Dean choked again on his breath and more tears fell. "_Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away…"_

Dean cried his way through the song as Castiel wheezed and coughed for hours. He stroked his hair and his back and then their foreheads rested together. Castiel's eyes cracked open slightly and Dean's mouth opened a bit.

"I'm not leaving Dean…" Castiel breathed out and smiled slightly. "I won't leave you."

Dean closed his eyes and kept himself close to Castiel. He held him and continued to sing. It was the only way he could keep from falling asleep and leaving Castiel without his voice.

**Read and Review**

**I hope you all are enjoying so far. School starts for me in six days so after it does expect less frequent updates to my stories because I will start getting busy. **

**Songs Dean sings in order: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House, Wild Horses by the Sundays (originally by the Rolling Stones)**

**So will Dean ever just admit it?**

**And what about Sam and Gabriel what will come of that?**

**More to come soon guys.**


	7. Chapter 6

~Six~

Dean stared ahead. There was nothing he could say, nothing that could change what had happened a few days earlier. He looked around him momentarily. He saw Sam, his eyes lined with water from where tears had been. He saw Gabriel, who was well and recovered from his incident with the car and he was holding onto Sam's hand practically bleeding moral support into the younger Winchester. Dean stood alone. He didn't want someone to take his hand, not when the only hand worth holding to him right now was six feet under. He bit his lip; the tears flowed like no tomorrow. Sam looked over at him once before leaving with Gabriel, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.

Dean bent down, his knee caked in dirt from the ceremony. It had been a small one; he knew that his friend wouldn't have wanted much. He had been a simple person when he was alive. Dean touched the letters engraved into the headstone and he choked as fresh hot tears fell down his cheeks and to the ground.

_"C-Childhood living is easy to do…" _he sang. "_T-The t-things that you wanted I bought t-them for you_…"

Dean's voice was shaky but he still continued on.

"_G-Graceless mister…y-you know w-who I am…"_

His knees hit the ground; his sobs rang in his ears. He barely choked out the last words.

"_I-I c-can't let you…" _

There had been nothing the hospital could've done. The infection had raged on long enough to make him grow weak and thin. They'd had no choice but to pull the plug on him. Dean just had to face the reality in front of him once again.

_"J-Just s-slide t-through m-my….h-h-hands…" _

Castiel was dead and this time God wasn't bringing him back.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean awoke panicked and sweaty. He looked over next to him and was relieved to see Castiel asleep and looking serene and peaceful for once. His mouth was open slightly and his eyes were clearly moving under his eyelids. He was dreaming. Dean was glad Castiel was dreaming something so peaceful, it figured the first time Dean had slept in a few days that he'd have a nightmare like the one he'd just woken up from.

"He's ok, don't worry." Dean spun around in the bed to face Nurse Jackie who walked over quietly. "The drugs we gave him to combat the fever are at work and I'm pleased to say are working so he's tired. He'll probably be asleep for awhile, but I'm also pleased to know he wasn't alone last night."

"He wanted to hear my voice…" Dean felt the need to explain himself for some reason, like he was a hormonal teenager who'd just been caught with his hand down his pants. "It…it calms him down."

Dean looked back over at Castiel with a smile. Nurse Jackie touched her hand to Dean's shoulder and he turned his head to face her.

"You were right about that profound bond you talked about when you dropped him off here," Nurse Jackie smiled over at Castiel then looked back to Dean. "I can see it. Especially in the way you look at him. Don't think I haven't noticed that."

"Am I really that obvious?" Dean smirked and chuckled a bit.

"Call it women's intuition." She winked. "He's just lucky to have you Dean Winchester."

"Well, he's my rock," Dean nodded and smiled big. "And I'm his; I need him just as much as he needs me."

Nurse Jackie didn't reply to that, she didn't have to. She simply nodded and left the room leaving Dean alone with Castiel yet again. Dean stretched and looked outside. It was a beautiful sunny day as it had been for the past few days before. Dean sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed. He smiled down at Castiel who was curled up by his side and listened to his calm breathing, seemingly free of wheezing for the time being. Dean raked his fingers through Castiel's black hair again and smiled.

"Hope you heard everything I said to the nurse Mr. Comatose cuz I'm not repeating it." Dean looked down at his friend again. He determined he liked waking up like this. "At least not right now…"

-8-8-8-8-8-

"I brought take out." Sam entered Castiel's room and quietly shut the door behind him. Kevin had stayed behind yet again but he vowed to come by later and see how Castiel was doing. Sam smiled when he looked over at Dean laying next to Castiel and slowly stroking his hair. Dean then jumped up and walked over to his brother, he sat down in front of him and acted as if the whole event had never happened when Sam handed him his take out box of rice and a spoon. "I hate hospital food and I think that's something we can both agree on."

"Right back at yah." Dean cleared his throat and blew on the rice to cool it some before taking a rather large bite.

"Dean…" Sam said.

Dean held up his pointer finger and chewed earning an eye roll from Sam and when he swallowed Sam spoke again.

"I don't care." Sam stated plainly.

"Scuse me?" Dean asked he was only slightly confused.

"Whatever you're feeling, whatever you've always felt about Cas," Sam explained. "It doesn't bother me and it never will. When you look at him, I see this flash of something in your eyes Dean, love, security, friendship I don't know what it is and that's for you to decide, but either way I see it and no matter how much you deny it it's real."

"He's my friend Sam." Dean replied, his gaze stern but not angry. "Our friend."

"Then don't lead him on." Sam replied, quieting his voice. "Don't let him think it's anything more if it isn't. Because somebody's gonna get hurt whether it's you or whether it's him."

Castiel stirred and opened his eyes. Sam left his seat in front of Dean and walked over to Castiel with a smile and a "how are you doing Cas?" leaving Dean alone to think. In a way Sam was right. He had been leading Castiel on all these years. Dean knew he wasn't good at speaking his mind, hell everyone he knew even knew he wasn't. He still couldn't break down the wall he'd set up years ago to keep from getting hurt, but as he looked over at Castiel lying in bed smiling and laughing with his brother Dean thought about it all a little differently, maybe Castiel was the one worth getting hurt over.

"Good to see you're awake Castiel." Nurse Jackie popped her head in with a smile. "Because you all have a visitor."

Dean, Sam, and Castiel all turned their heads towards the door and Megan walked in with a bright smile and her oxygen tank by her side. Dean waved her over with a smile and Sam and Castiel waved hello for the first and second time.

"Hey boys." Megan smiled and sat down in front of Dean. "How are tricks?"

"Megan!" Dean laughed. "What do we look like cheap hookers to you?"

"Oh calm down mom," Megan joked. "It's just a saying, glad to see you're up and breathing right Castiel."

"Yes." Castiel nodded with a smile. "It is a good thing."

"Anyways so I came here to ask you all something." Megan explained. "So my family is coming today to see me and my boyfriend Zach and we're all gonna sit outside in the garden and eat lunch and catch up, I was wondering if you three wanted to come with us? You know so you could meet em?"

"Sure." Sam nodded and Castiel did as well.

"We'd love to." Dean smiled and nodded.

"Well good news Castiel here is cleared to leave his room." Nurse Jackie said. "We have to keep him for one more night to make sure the drugs work for 24 hours but after that he is allowed to return home."

"Really?" Dean asked enthusiastically.

"Really." Nurse Jackie. "I'll get him a wheelchair and a temporary portable oxygen tank for today though."

"I can do without the wheelchair thank you." Castiel spoke up. "I do believe my…well my rock can help me walk."

Dean's mouth hung slightly ajar. So Castiel had heard them this morning?

"Very well." Nurse Jackie nodded and disappeared. "I'll be right back."

"I'm so excited." Megan said with a big smile. "Today's gonna be an awesome day!"

"Yeah." Dean looked over at Castiel and smiled, Castiel smiled back. The color had returned to his face and he looked alive again. "Yeah it's gonna be an awesome day alright."

**Read and Review**

**So I probably really fucked with all of you with the beginning of this chapter didn't I? That was the intention *evil laugh*. Anyways aside from me being evil. **

**Sam's brotherly advice is always good and it was well needed.**

**And Megan wants them to meet her family? How will their day be? Will it be fun?**

**All that and more will be revealed in the next chapter folks! Stay tuned!**


	8. Chapter 7

~Seven~

Dean, Castiel, Sam, Megan, her mom and dad, and her boyfriend Zach were sitting in the hospital garden eating, chatting, and laughing. The air was warm and the breeze was perfect. The garden was full of life and flowers. Dean watched and smiled as Megan and Castiel sat side by side, a butterfly crawling on Megan's hand and Castiel staring in pure and utter awe. The butterfly flew away and Megan giggled, but Castiel seemed disappointed until another one landed right on his nose and Megan laughed even harder.

"I love her laugh." Zach commented he'd been sitting with Dean for the last half hour while Megan's parents spoke with Sam. "Is he…are you with him?"

"Oh uh…" Dean stammered. "No. Well, not yet anyways."

Castiel smiled at Dean and Dean waved to him before Castiel returned to watching the wildlife and smelling the flowers with Megan. Dean felt a surge of warmth in his chest and he chuckled. Zach smirked and laughed too.

"You've got it bad." Zach stated. "I know how that goes, I first met Megan and we were best friends, it was only later on in the school years I realized I was falling for her and luckily she felt the same. Then the cancer hit, it hit us both really hard, but we manage to stay together. I just don't know what I'm going to do when she…well you know…"

"Well hopefully that won't be for a long while." Dean said with confidence.

"Yeah hopefully," Zach nodded in reply. "Her doctors say she's doing ok so far."

"How did it feel?" Dean asked. "When you fell for her I mean?"

"It felt like a hummingbird's wings were beating in my chest at first honestly," Zach laughed. "But after that I just… I don't know I felt whole, complete, I don't know what I'd do without her in my life. Hell, she is my life basically."

Dean took those words into his mind. This was exactly how'd he'd always felt about Castiel he was just never able to put it into words. He was glad Zach was able to untie his mind if not his tongue.

"Dean!" Castiel called him over. "Come with me I have found something most interesting!"

"Better go with him Romeo." Zach winked and waved Megan over. Dean stood to leave and as he walked towards Castiel he turned back only once to see Zach hugging Megan close and kissing her like she was the only thing left in the world.

-8-8-8-8-8-

"I have found a pond." Castiel stated. He dragged the oxygen tank along by his feet. Dean walked a few steps behind him to ensure he wouldn't fall. "It is really quite beautiful. I didn't want to show it to you until now."

Dean walked along the stone path. The pond was actually deeper in the hospital's immense garden. The plants were thicker and less taken care of back here. It reminded Dean of a small jungle almost. He pushed some vines aside and followed at Castiel's heels.

"That song you sang to me," Castiel said. "The one I think it was entitled "Somewhere Only We Know" Megan said that was her favorite song, she also said that was sweet what you did, whatever that means."

"That's cool Cas." Dean smiled big. "Cas is this the pond?"

"Yes Dean it is." Castiel nodded and motioned towards the small circle of water before them. It was filled with fresh clear water and pebbles on the bottom. Small koi fish swam beneath the cool water. It really was beautiful.

"It is pretty Cas." Dean replied and took a seat at the bench in front of it. Castiel sat down next to him and smiled at the little fish. "How'd you find it?"

"When you were in the bathroom," Castiel explained. "I wandered a bit and found it all on my own."

Castiel was proud of himself like a child proud of their artwork or something they did. Dean found that cute and he smiled over at his friend.

"It is truly amazing how humans can replicate some of Father's best and most beautiful creations." Castiel commented.

"We're not as dumb as we look." Dean chuckled.

"Humans are not dumb Dean." Castiel informed him and dipped his fingers into the water of the pond. The fish scattered. "Humans are lost. And now I know how they feel. I know what it's like now to feel weak and powerless. I suppose that is why many humans worship my father or crave power and become corrupt. They crave what they don't have. I suppose now I have craved a few things."

"Like what?" Dean asked and his smile dropped a bit.

"I crave my powers again, my wings." Castiel sighed. "But I am content with what I have right now too. I am happy I was reunited with you, Sam, and Kevin. You were right in what you said to my nurse Dean we…we do need each other."

"Hey," Dean smiled and took Castiel's hand in his, rubbing small circles in his palm. "I don't plan on leaving yah."

"Good." Castiel nodded and looked forward into the water.

"Sam and I used to sneak off behind Bobby's house when we were kids and when dad would leave us there when he went on hunting trips," Dean begun his story. Castiel turned his head to listen. "There was this giant lake. When you're six years old I suppose everything seems bigger than you, but I swear on my life it was at least a mile wide. I went back there after Bobby died and I saw it again, it looked more like this pond does now, I had grown up and it no longer was big. In the grand scheme of things I suppose we're all small like this pond."

"Yes I suppose we all are." Castiel commented. "But on the inside Dean, we're all mile wide lakes, humans all are, they may grow up but they're dreams stay as big as they were when they were six."

"Who knew you were a walking encyclopedia of wisdom Cas?" Dean chuckled a bit, his smile never fading.

"I don't recall ever being a book in my lifetime Dean?" Castiel cocked his head.

"Don't ever change Cas…" Dean looked back down at the pond and smiled. "Don't ever change."

-8-8-8-8-8-

The pair walked back eventually to where everyone else was. Sam smirked at Dean and Dean smirked back as if to say "nothing happened". Megan's parents Tom and Rita Smith stood and walked over towards Dean and Castiel. They shook their hands and thanked them for making friends with their daughter.

"No problem." Dean nodded with a large smile. "She's an amazing kid."

"We know." Tom smiled. "But I'm glad you think so too Dean."

Dean's attention returned to Zach and Megan who were busy hugging and kissing.

"I'll come again soon." Zach promised her. "School's just hard."

"I know Zach." Megan nodded. "I believe you when you say you'll come back as soon as you can."

"I love you Megan." Zach kissed her again and she smiled.

"I love you too Zach." Megan replied.

-8-8-8-8-8-

When day broke into night the hospital quieted a bit. Sam was currently spending the night with Gabriel in his room while Dean sat in his usual chair in Castiel's room. Castiel was sleeping peacefully. The fever had broken earlier that night, but he still had to wait until morning to leave. Dean sat and contemplated his thoughts.

"_Yes I suppose we all are, but on the inside Dean, we are all mile wide lakes…"_

Castiel's words echoed through Dean's mind and he sighed. Castiel never had to choose his words, never had to rehearse what he was to say to anyone, not like Dean did. Castiel's words just came to him. That was one of the many things Dean loved about him. A surge of fear shot through Dean when he realized he'd thought the word love.

It was said that love could power through any storm, overcome anything, give unimaginable strength to those who need it most, sure it could also destroy, but more importantly it could build. Dean knew all of these things, there was no handbook for love it was all uncharted. So now as he stared at the man he'd fallen in love with so long ago and thought about how far they'd come since then, he didn't know why he couldn't just tell him what he was feeling.

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**Yeah I got deep in this chapter…I do that every once and awhile. **

**So what will come of Dean's feelings when Castiel returns to the bunker?**

**Will he grow some balls and tell him?**

**More to come soon folks.**


	9. Chapter 8

~Eight~

A few days had passed since the hospital had let Castiel come home and honestly Dean couldn't have been more overjoyed. The bunker had been lacking the life that Castiel had brought to it during his time that he'd been human and Dean was just glad to have that and some normalcy, well the Winchester version of normalcy, back. So far in the last two days since Castiel's return Sam had spent most of his time in and out of the hospital to see Gabriel and at the shooting range underneath the bunker getting his skill back. Kevin had been doing more research and deducing, but he'd occasionally joined everyone for dinner on some nights. Dean had been honestly becoming domestic, something he'd feared for years.

Actually, it wasn't that Dean feared domesticity. He feared what would happen if he'd ever tried to settle down, in fact he'd tried it once before with Lisa and Ben and nothing good had come out of that. Danger had followed him no matter what. He wasn't willing to put anyone else in danger, but since the angels had fallen things had been eerily quiet. The demons and gates of Hell had been close to being shut. He remembered Crowley's cries from inside of the church where they'd left him to fend for himself tied to the chair. Those cries still haunted Dean at night.

Now though, he had Castiel back to take his mind off of such things. He'd been enjoying watching the angel get back on his own two feet again and even though he'd basically almost died from illness he was happy to see Castiel was still willing to learn human things. However, Dean was currently watching the ex angel slide around the wooden bunker floor in the fuzzy hospital socks that he'd been issued.

Castiel had started out nervous of being home. He'd been scared that he'd have another issue with his lungs or his breathing, but Dean assured him that he was out of the woods. Castiel was relieved he could just get on with his life. Now, as he slid around on the wood floors of the bunker he found himself more carefree than before and he was actually laughing. Dean smiled at his friend; it warmed his heart that such little things brought Castiel joy.

"It's like flying Dean!" Castiel cried out with a laugh and slid off into another room.

"No wings needed." Dean replied with a chuckle and went back to the newspaper. There hadn't been many cases since the angels fell. It seemed that the supernatural had managed vanished, but if Dean knew anything it was that evil never took a vacation. Hopefully this time it was the exception to the rule though, he just wanted to focus on Castiel's recovery before he took on any bad guys again.

Dean stood to get another beer. He walked over towards the kitchen, empty glass bottle in hand and was about to grab a new one from the fridge before he suddenly has his arms full of Castiel who had slid in from the other room and unexpectedly bumped right into Dean.

"My apologies Dean." Castiel said and tried to stand upright, but he found himself frozen in the position he was in, staring up into Dean's eyes. His lips were mere inches away from Dean's and he could feel Dean's hot, shocked, breaths on his cheeks.

"S'okay Cas." Dean stammered. He was trying to keep from blushing and from how hot his cheeks felt to him he knew he was probably failing. He didn't understand how one person could have this effect on him. "Just be careful ok? We don't need you back in the hospital for a busted head now do we?"

"Yes Dean." Castiel nodded, but he was still in the indescribable green orbs known as Dean's eyes.

"Why hello lovebirds." Sam chuckled and smirked. "Am I interrupting something?"

Castiel and Dean both blushed and jumped away from each other's grasp. Dean smoothed back his hair and Castiel coughed awkwardly. Sam laughed a bit and set down the groceries he'd picked up from the store onto the countertop.

"Look I'm just kidding." Sam really wasn't, but he wasn't about to have that argument again with Dean. "I brought food for dinner, somebody wanna help me cook it?"

"Whatcha say Cas?" Dean asked. "You wanna help?"

"You'd entrust me with that Dean?" Castiel asked, he'd remembered Dean referring to him as a "baby in a trench coat" once before so he was always skeptical when Dean asked him to help with something.

"Of course I would Cas." Dean nodded and smiled. Castiel smiled back and watched as Dean pulled various items out of the large paper bags. "Now, let's get cooking!"

-8-8-8-8-8-

About a half an hour later dinner was well underway. Castiel had proudly sautéed the vegetables all by himself, well with a little assistance from Dean. Dean had stood behind him and watched him do it. Dean's hand had eventually found itself on top of Castiel's flipping the vegetables in the pan with him. Dean's hot breath on Castiel's neck didn't bother him though; it was the closest the hunter had ever been to him besides the hug he'd given Castiel in Purgatory. Castiel enjoyed the feeling of Dean's hand on his, the roughness of his calluses mixed with the gentle touch that was uniquely his. Castiel had blushed slightly when Dean had done that, but it had taken everything he had to not lean over and kiss the hunter right there. Castiel knew of Dean's tendencies towards women and Castiel respected those. No matter how much it pained him to see Dean with anyone but him.

"Excellent job on the veggies Dean." Kevin commented with a smile and a mouthful.

"Actually that was Cas." Dean smiled proudly over at his friend. Castiel gave a shy smile back and continued to eat his dinner, which was ten times better than what he'd received at the hospital. "He did the vegetables."

"Either way." Kevin mumbled through bite after bite of his food. The four made ample conversation until there was nothing left to talk about nor was there any food left. Kevin laid his plate down in the sink and walked back to his room to do whatever it was he'd been doing before dinner started. Sam shrugged on his jacket and waved goodbye at Dean and Castiel, he was headed for the hospital to see Gabriel.

"Have fun with your boyfriend Samantha!" Dean teased and laughed.

"Bite me Dean!" Sam said as he exited the bunker.

"Don't tempt me!" Dean replied and sat down on the living room couch. He was about to turn on the television before he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looked over to see Castiel before the ex angel sat down next to him on the couch and sighed contently.

"Happy to be home Cas?" Dean asked.

"Yes and no." Castiel replied, looking around thoughtfully before staring down at his feet, still clothed in the socks. "I miss Megan and the nurses and my pond, but I am glad to be home in the sense that I am happy I am no longer sick."

"Amen to that." Dean thrusted his feet off of the coffee table and reached for another remote. "You don't mind if I turn on music do you?"

"Not at all." Castiel replied with a smile, although he was bit disappointed that Dean wasn't going to sing to him anymore probably.

Dean switched on the radio to the station he'd written down all the songs from. They were playing the Sundays' cover of Wild Horses once again. Dean didn't know if it was fate or if this radio station just repeated all their songs. Castiel didn't seem to mind though; he smiled fondly and closed his eyes, taking in the words and the melody once again. Dean knew his voice hadn't done the song justice in any way, at least now Castiel could hear it for what it really was.

Dean stretched his arm out so it rested behind Castiel on the couch cushions. Castiel smiled and leaned over into Dean's chest. Dean blushed profusely, but let Castiel stay where he was. He shifted his body so Castiel could have more of Dean to lie on as a pillow. Dean watched Castiel's chest rise and fall once again like it was still the morning he'd slept in Castiel's hospital bed with him. As the calming music flooded Dean's ears he also found himself lulling off to sleep.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean's cell phone rang on the coffee table hours later. He groggily awoke to check who was calling and saw that it was Sam. He cocked his head in confusion and answered.

"Dean thank god!" Sam said rather frantically.

"What is it Sammy?" Dean practically slurred, Castiel had awoken as well and was just as confused as Dean was as to why Sam was calling. "Everything ok?"

"No Dean it's not that's why I called you!" Sam replied hastily, he almost seemed out of breath.

"What is it Sammy?" Dean asked he was wide awake now and alert. He stood and walked over grabbing his jacket. "Did something happen to Gabriel?"

"No Dean it's not Gabriel." Sam sighed. "It's Megan…"

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**Oh no cliffy! I'm bad with those lol. **

**So Domestic!Dean and Cas how cute right?**

**What's happened to Megan you ask?**

**All this and more will be revealed in the next chapter! See you guys then!**

**PS SCHOOL STARTS FOR IN TWO DAYS WAHHHH! SO EXPECT LESS FREQUENT UPDATES TO ANY STORY I MAY WRITE AS THE SCHOOL YEAR GOES ON!**

**Ciao for now guys!**


	10. Chapter 9

~Nine~

Dean felt his chest constrict as he drove. He didn't quite know what a heart attack felt like but this felt like one. His breaths were shallow and pained and Castiel could tell. He'd decided to keep his hand away from Dean's tense shoulder. Dean was just glad Castiel was there. He honestly didn't want to have to make this drive alone. His fingers gripped the steering wheel in an almost painful fashion and his arms were shaking. He'd run at least one red light already.

"Dean…"Castiel sighed. "You are going to cause an accident…please pull over for a moment and compose yourself…"

"I will not "compose myself" Cas." Dean glared and then looked back forward. "It's not that simple when someone you know is in the hospital."

"I do recall spending such time in a hospital not too long ago Dean." Dean had to give Castiel some credit, his sarcasm was certainly improving. "You seemed very composed when I was in there."

"She's a kid Cas this is different." Dean sighed and pulled off the highway towards the hospital exit. "Besides you're an angel, you live forever, you would've been fine."

"I am human now Dean." Castiel gruffly replied he was trying to get Dean to focus on something other than the anxiety that had just washed over him. "But I am glad you still see me as something I'm not anymore."

"That's how I've always seen yah Cas," Dean pulled into the parking lot and into a parking space, he took a deep breath. "Immortally perfect."

"Thank you Dean, though I'd wish to point out I am far from perfect." Castiel replied.

"_You're perfect to me…" _Dean thought to himself, but now was hardly the time for his feelings. Megan was all that mattered right now. He and Castiel exited the car and walked up towards the check in desk where Sam and a nurse were waiting for them.

"How is she?" Dean asked on a shaky breath.

"Not too good unfortunately." The nurse sighed and started to walk them towards Megan's wing and room. "We scanned her again and the cancer returned in an area we were hoping it wouldn't. She then later admitted that she knew it was back, but she didn't tell us until recently."

"Stupid girl…" muttered Dean. "You better help her get better again yah hear me?"

"We're doing everything we can." The nurse nodded.

"I mean it." Dean stated, pointing a finger at her, but it wasn't a mean gesture. "She's got a future ahead of her."

Castiel decided at that moment to touch his hand to Dean's shoulder. Dean jumped slightly, he was still on edge. Castiel nodded as if to tell him that was enough and the trio walked into Megan's room quietly. She was lying in bed hooked up to an oxygen machine, IV, monitors of all kinds, the whole shebang. She had been looking out the window, but smiled weakly at the trio when they walked over to her bedside.

"I guess my days out there are up huh?" she chuckled. "Hi Sam, Dean, Castiel."

"Now don't talk like that," Dean chuckled too, Sam sighed he knew Dean was only laughing to calm his nerves. He did that an awful lot. "They'll be plenty more nice days coming up and you're gonna see every single one."

"Whatever you say Dean." Megan smirked. She looked so thin and pale, more than before. That alone scared the hell out of Dean and not too many things alone did that to him.

"I mean it." Dean said. Castiel watched the interaction between the two closely. That was one thing that Castiel had give Dean credit for, he was always determined to fix the impossible. Castiel may have been human, but there was no denying Megan was in pain more than she let on. Her days and numbers were depleting as they spoke, that Castiel could tell from her eyes alone. Although they had never lost their sparkle in the past days he'd known her, they'd now lost their hope. He'd let Dean have this moment though, it was least he could do.

"Good to see you on your own two feet Castiel." Megan smiled over at Castiel and he smiled back. "I'm glad you're better so Dean can finally sleep at night."

"My apologies Dean if I caused you any restlessness." Castiel immediately said to Dean.

"It's cool." Megan said. "He'd come and talk to me or once we played checkers, which he's damn good at by the way so don't even try to beat him."

"Hey you won that time." Dean laughed.

"I usually lose." Megan chuckled. "It's kind of an analogy of my life to be honest."

"I wish you wouldn't think like that…" Dean said his smile had faded.

"It's called depression." She joked. "It's usually a symptom of dying Dean."

"You're not gonna die you hear me?" Dean pointed the finger at her this time, how dare she think this way he thought. "From what you've told me, you've got too much to live for."

"Zach and my parents are on their way." She nodded with a small smile. "So yes Dean, I know, believe me I know."

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean had been pacing a line in the dirt. He didn't know why he was, it just calmed him he supposed. Sam had gone to see Gabriel once again, Dean didn't know why Sam didn't just up and tell Gabriel what he was feeling I mean it was pretty obvious, but Dean was one to talk when he, himself, hadn't even spoken such words to Castiel.

"As much as I condone your focus Dean," Castiel commented from the bench nearby, they were in the hospital garden right now. "You're going to be in I believe humans refer to the term as "China" before you know it."

"So what?" Dean kicked a small rock; it skidded and came to a halt just before the roses. "I'll explain to them what I'm doing then and I'm sure they'll understand…"

"As much as I admire your optimism Dean," Castiel sighed, he hated upsetting the hunter whether it was with his words, actions, or by simply looking at him. "We eventually will have to face the obvious."

"Megan's not gonna die Cas." Dean was stern and insistent.

"I've seen this before Dean," Castiel stood and cut Dean off from turning around. He stared into the ex-angels crystal blue eyes which were filled with worry as well. "I once used to be angel if you recall, I've seen people before they enter heaven and when their days are numbered. They get this certain look in their eyes; it's a cross between acceptance and fear. I have seen both in Megan's eyes Dean. You can't save everybody no matter how hard you try…"

"Yeah well maybe you're wrong this time Cas?" Dean glared, it was a tired one though almost as if he agreed with Castiel but was too prideful to say it. "Maybe she'll beat the odds, I sure as hell have a million and one times and I'm still kicking!"

"You're the exception Dean." Castiel said sadly.

"Yeah well then make one for her!" Dean angrily pushed past Castiel and back into the hospital. The double doors shut hard behind him and a cool rush of air was felt. Castiel looked down at the rut Dean had previously been creating and sighed heavily. He then looked up at the sky above. If he could find some way into heaven he'd ask. He'd ask the Council or somebody, anybody to spare the girl. Just to make Dean happy. Just to make him sleep easy that night.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Jealously was a useless emotion. Megan knew this and yet she was still jealous of the people she saw walking by in those similar hospital gowns as her. She felt like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, trapped in another world, not the cancer free world she so wanted to live in right now. She sighed and looked outside the window again. The sun was streaming at an angle into her room like it always did in the late afternoon. She found herself even being jealous of the sun and its ability to shine no matter what kind of day it was having. She had always once told herself to be more like the sun and not to give in to the depression her doctors had warned her was yet to come when she'd first been diagnosed with the cancer, but that had been her mentality only when she had been able to walk and actually see the sun in all his glory shining outside. But even she had to face reality as he slapped her in the face once again as well, her days were up and she could feel it settling in her bones like a cold winter's night. For now though she was trapped, trapped in the white monotone sheets of her hospital bed. She sighed again. Her ears perked up when her door opened though and her family and Zach walked in with big smiles on their faces.

She decided they were better than the outside and the sun could wait all day if he liked before he saw her shining face again.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean, Sam, and Castiel sat in the cafeteria eating some late lunch. Not much was said, not much needed to be. The people around them were all equally in their own worlds and funks. Some of them were doctors and nurses, but even they hadn't escaped the clutches of the metaphorical black storm cloud that seemed to have settled itself upon the place. Dean figured it came with the job or the atmosphere.

"She'll be ok Dean." Leave it to Sam to become the optimistic one.

"I know." Dean said as if it were a line he'd rehearsed in a play. He felt like actor sometimes, in fact most of the time he wished his life was a movie, or a television series, something that he could wake up from and know it wasn't real. He was never quite that lucky.

"I got you a slice of pie Dean." Castiel cleared his throat and pushed the cardboard container towards Dean. "I know how much you like it and I thought maybe it would make you feel better somehow…"

"I don't want it Cas." Dean sighed and pushed it back a bit in Castiel's direction.

"But Dean…" Castiel protested.

"I said I don't want it Cas!" Dean exclaimed, his voice echoed a bit against the white walls and a few people stared but he couldn't care less. Castiel's gaze fell downwards and he felt ashamed. Dean gulped and he immediately felt bad for snapping at Castiel. He was just stressed about many things right now, Castiel being one of them in fact. The air around them felt heavy with unsaid words.

"Dean," Sam was honestly tired; he rubbed his eyes and pushed his empty dishes aside. "It's no use moping around here all day and night, go home, get some sleep, you look tired."

"Yes mother." Dean grumbled. "I'm seeing Megan again before I leave though."

"Sure Dean." Sam nodded and motioned for Castiel to go with him. Castiel was about to protest, he didn't want to anger Dean further. "C'mon Castiel he needs a friend right now, you're the right man for the job."

"I have angered him," Castiel said as he was a small child in trouble. "I do not wish to anger him further."

"He's not angry at you Cas," Sam explained, he looked over at Dean who disappeared down the hallway. "He's angry about the situation; things he can't control make him angry. Sometimes humans get like that, but that's the times they need a friend most of all."

"I understand Sam." Castiel nodded. "I will be there for Dean like many times before."

"That's all he wants Cas." Sam smiled.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean ducked into Megan's room and did one wave to her parents and Zach who was sitting by her side and holding her hand. Dean smiled at Megan.

"I have to head on home for the evening." Dean said. "I just wanted to catch yah before I left."

"Thanks Dean." Megan's smile had become slightly weaker, it still radiated through the room though. "I hope I haven't been keeping you from other important things…like Cas."

"Cas will be fine." Dean chuckled; she never ceased to make him laugh with her attempts to hook him and Castiel up. "I'll have all night with him. I'll have to wait till morning to see you again."

"Megan honey," her mom had been crying. "We're all going to talk to the doctor ok? We'll be right back sweetie."

Rita, Tom, and Zach all stood to leave and walked off to find her doctor leaving her and Dean alone in her room. Dean sat down in the seat that Zach had been occupying and smiled over at her.

"I don't think I have long Dean." Megan cleared her throat, it was hoarse and raspy. "But I just wanted to say that even though we didn't know each other long I'm glad you were my friend."

"What are friends for?" Dean smiled. She took his hand in hers and squeezed as best she could. "You're gonna make it kiddo, you're gonna go to college and marry Zach and have two point five kids and a dog and live until you're both one hundred."

"I sure hope so Dean." Megan's smile returned and Dean was glad for that. He was glad he could make her smile, even if only for a moment. "I sure hope so."

"Your future looks bright kid." Dean said. "Don't let the clouds in the way."

"I think your man is waiting for you Dean." Megan smirked and motioned towards the doorway where Castiel timidly stood before he entered.

"Take all the time you need Dean." Castiel nodded.

"Thank you too Castiel." Megan smiled at him. "For spending all that time talking to me and for being a friend too."

"You're welcome Megan." Castiel bowed his head and smiled. "We'll see each other again really soon."

"I count on it." Megan replied.

"You get some sleep ok kiddo?" Dean squeezed her hand again and stood to leave, Castiel held the door open for him. "I'll be back here bright and early tomorrow morning ok?"

"Sure thing Dean." Megan nodded and smiled bright. Zach and the others piled back into the room before Dean and Castiel walked out, Dean looked back at Megan's smiling face one more time before him and Castiel trekked down the hallway and towards the Impala.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean parked at the bunker and he and Castiel silently walked inside. It had well past eleven o'clock when they'd finally left. The entire car ride had been silent and awkward for Castiel. He'd never seen Dean so wordless. It almost scared him, but then again this was another side of Dean he'd never seen and at the same time it fascinated him. Dean's feet were heavy underneath him with every step he took. He never spoke a word. Castiel watched as he walked right on past the coat rack and grabbed his gun and walked down to the basement where the shooting range was.

Castiel padded along quietly behind him and watched as he walked over to the CD player and popped in a tape of Elton John's greatest hits and the stereo blasted the first few notes of "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues". Dean sighed and cocked his gun; he aimed at the paper cutout of a man and fired. The shot rang loudly and caused Castiel to wince just a bit, but he stood perfectly still in the doorframe watching his friend fire off round after round, not stopping once. If Castiel could still turn invisible he would have, but after Elton John had sung his song a fifth time Dean called it quits for the night and turned off the stereo. Castiel stumbled up the stairs and acted as if he'd never been there to begin with. Castiel sighed loudly when he watched his friend toss his gun onto the table and collapse onto the couch. Dean was a runaway train of emotions right now with no rails to guide him.

"_All he needs right now is a friend Cas…" _

Castiel remembered Sam's words and walked over to where Dean lay. The hunter's eyes were shut tight and somehow he'd fallen asleep almost on contact with the couch. Castiel stared sadly down at him and then proceeded to take off his shoes and jacket. He placed a throw blanket over Dean and sat down on the couch next to his.

He'd always watched over Dean before, why should this time be any different?

Especially when this time Dean needed him more than he'd ever say.

-8-8-8-8-8-

The impending phone call of doom was received by Dean at about three am. Sam's words were a blur to Dean. His gaze went even sterner and stone cold than it had been any time that night.

"_They lost her Dean…an hour ago…I'm sorry Dean, Dean can you hear me?" _

Dean bit his lip and a tear streaked down his left cheek. He didn't even reply to Sam, he just flipped his phone back into the closed position and hung up. Castiel watched with concern as Dean choked on his tears and proceeded to sob it seemed.

Castiel didn't say a word. He simply stood and walked over to Dean. He sat down in front of him and pulled him into a hug, something that was so foreign to him but oh so worth it for Dean. Dean didn't utter a word either he just allowed himself to be held by the ex-angel as he sobbed into his shoulder.

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**So I became John Green in this chapter…yeah sorry about that. Anyways yeah guys Megan's dead. I didn't wanna do it, but I did. I know so many of you liked her and I did too but this is where the plot bunnies took me and they wouldn't lead me away so it had to be this way. **

**I know the focus hasn't been on Destiel these past few chapters but in the ones that follow it will be I promise Megan was just a significant part of this story. **

**So what's to come for Destiel? **

**Will they make it through this?**

**More to come soon guys, I start school tomorrow :( so I won't be able to update until I get home or possibly later so bear with me ok?**

**I love you all! Ciao for now!**


	11. Chapter 10

~Ten~

Megan's funeral was to be held in her home state, which ironically was North Dakota and was not far from Bobby's place which Dean and Sam still kept as a safe house in their many travels. The attitude in the bunker was somber and all was quiet and still. Dean hadn't spoken a word since two nights ago when he learned of Megan's fate. He couldn't even bring himself to go to the hospital that night or any night after, but he had promised her parents that he'd come to the service. Dean stared into the mirror as he adjusted his tie, his skin was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in months. Castiel stared sadly at his friend from the doorway, he wanted to say something, anything, to Dean but for once he just couldn't find the words to say. He opened his mouth to speak as Dean walked by him but closed it again after the hunter briskly pushed past him and into the main room of the bunker.

As Castiel stared at the state of Dean his most beloved friend, he couldn't help but realize that in that moment he felt more helpless than ever before.

-8-8-8-8-8-

It was a long drive, but Dean was a trooper. He drove nonstop to North Dakota and parked the Impala in the parking lot of the church. The trio stepped out of the vehicle closing the doors behind them. Dean stared up to the sky. The sky was blue with a few white clouds that were slow moving. The air was warm, but not too hot which Castiel, Sam and Dean were all grateful for considering their choice in color of their attire. Castiel understood that black was traditional color and attire for a funeral, but he never understood why. Why should death be painted with the color black? Why shouldn't the person's life be celebrated with the color white? Besides, white was the norm to wear, whether angel or person, in heaven.

Sam hadn't had much to say, he hadn't been as close to Megan as Dean had when she was alive. He came anyway out of respect for the dead, but God knows he'd been to enough funerals in his life and hated to go to any more.

Dean on the other hand, his mind was a jumbled mess right now. He couldn't think straight or really think anything for that matter. He was hearing nothing, he heard the faint sound of music but the words to the song were all a giant blur of jabbering nonsense. As beautiful as the church yard was and as much as the amount of people who had showed up touched him, Megan had deserved more than this. In Dean's humble opinion, she had deserved her life.

-8-8-8-8-8-

The service lasted a good hour. Megan's parents had done most of the talking on her behalf apart from crying so hard it seemed that their eyes were made of tears themselves. Dean had said a few words himself on how Megan was a fighter and she hadn't deserved her future being taken away from her so soon, but that they'd see her all again one day. Most of his words were regurgitated lines from movies. Dean hadn't been to an actual funeral in his life really, hunters were never buried this way.

"_And now Megan's boyfriend Zach will say a few words." _The preacher said and stepped away from the podium letting Zach fill his spot.

"Well," Zach sighed and cleared his throat. He had a paper in front of him of what he was going to say, but he ignored it and instead spoke from his heart. "Megan and I both knew this day was coming, we'd talked about it a lot honestly. How I was going to deal with the repercussions of her death and how she was going to "go out with a bang" she always said. Megan was never afraid to die. I think what she was most afraid of was who she was leaving behind."

Zach earned a few laughs from the audience and Dean smiled slightly.

"She and I were in love, I know most parents don't think teenage romance will last, but I think ours would've if she'd been given the chance to live. I just remember freshmen year I sat down in one of the desks in Mrs. Green's English classroom. I was early, like way early, and then I saw this girl who'd been sitting there for a quite awhile apparently. She was unlike any other girl I'd seen at my school before. She wasn't a plastic Barbie doll replica of the other girls, she was herself and that's just the first thing I noticed. So I sat down next to her and she was reading this book. I couldn't tell you the title of the book now, but I do remember her laughing at it so I asked her why she was laughing. She said it was because the main character was expecting a prince charming to sweep her off her feet at any given moment and of course I asked her opinion about the scene. She said that life wasn't a fairy tale and sometimes the prince doesn't come but when he does come for her she wanted him to be in a t-shirt and jeans not in tights and on a horse. We exchanged names and that was that. We were friends."

He cleared his throat for a moment, blinking back tears before continuing.

"The years went by and we were still friends, but as cliché would have it and as I got to know her more I found myself loving her more. She'd always had the cancer and hadn't told me until we started dating at the end of freshmen year. I'm gonna sound cheesy when I say this next part but I don't really care, she told me that if we stayed together I may one day have to live without her in my life. Now I took this bit of information and I thought about it and I said that when that day came I'd be ready, but until that day came I'd treasure every moment I had with her and I always did. I suppose when I think of Megan I think of courage and bravery I think of the girl I saw freshmen year reading the book about prince charming and not realizing she was a princess herself already. I see her most of all though, in the people she's met and influenced. I see her spirit alive in all of you whether you only just met her or you've known her all your life. Megan taught me most of all to treasure the people that I love and to tell them everything I've ever wanted to and to tell them that I appreciate their friendship and their kindness and their love to me every day because we all never know when we can never say it to them again. I love you Megan, I always will and I hope you're happy up there and smiling as much as you were from that first day in Mrs. Green's class until the day you took your last breath. Rest in Peace my princess."

Zach nodded and wiped his tears away. Megan's parents cried harder, but they hugged Zach as he sat back down. The preacher said a few closing words and a prayer and everyone stood to gather around the coffin and headstone marked with her name and the dates from birth to death. As the coffin was being lowered into the ground and covered with dirt Dean couldn't help but look at the headstone. Only seventeen years had she breathed the air, walked this earth, laughed, talked, ate, been alive and she'd lived every year to her fullest from what he'd heard. His tears spoke more than his words ever could.

Dean, Sam, and Castiel all left for Bobby's house to give Zach and Megan's parents some time alone with her. When they arrived the house was stuffy and dusty. Dean and Sam hadn't been back there since discovering the bunker. The place just left a bad taste in their mouths. Sam flipped on the light switch and held the door for Dean and Castiel who shuffled in behind him with their bags. Dean dropped his down on the couch and sighed heavily as he hung up his suit jacket and tore off his tie. His body was telling him to sleep but his brain just wouldn't shut up. He threw his body down on the couch, fully aware of the pair of crystal blue eyes that were following his movements. He shut his eyes tight, even after the lights went off and tried his hardest not to explode from the inside.

-8-8-8-8-8-

When Dean awoke again it was thirty minutes past midnight. He rubbed his tired and sore eyes and sat up, padding over to the kitchen to get a glass of something. Bobby had always kept a full supply of liquor. He poured himself a large shot of whiskey and sat down at the kitchen table.

"That's not going to help." Castiel commented as he stood looking over at Dean.

Dean didn't say anything he just took a hit.

"You need a distraction Dean." Castiel's gaze turned into a stern look.

"I got one right here." Dean replied groggily and showed Castiel the glass.

"That's not what I meant." Castiel stated.

"Yeah well you know what Cas!" Dean suddenly exclaimed. He tossed the glass causing it to shatter against the wall. Castiel jumped but stood his ground. "Maybe what I need is for you to go the hell away and stop telling me what I need! People cope differently, it may be all kittens and rainbows and group hugs in heaven but down here on earth that's not how we do things! We drink! We yell! We cry and we sure as hell don't need people bossing us around and sticking their heads up our asses yah dig?!"

"Dean…" Castiel gulped, he looked taken aback by Dean's comment.

"You know what Cas…just…just leave me the fuck alone!" Dean growled and walked over to grab his jacket. He jerked it onto his body and opened the door, walking out and slamming it behind him leaving Castiel alone with a heavy heart and a confused mind.

Dean ran. He didn't even look back or ahead of him he just ran out Bobby's front door and around the back of his house. His feet taking him on a familiar path he'd run so many times before. He almost felt eight years old again. The path was old and worn but it was somewhere he'd been before, somewhere safe, and somewhere only he knew. He pushed his way through the ivy and the trees that hadn't been there so long ago and found himself at the lake that he'd told Castiel about. The one he'd compared to the pond. He sure felt like that pond right about now.

Dean's face was stained with tears. His teeth with gritting against one another and he fell to the ground on his knees by the water's edge. His fingers thrashed at its surface and he screamed, oh did he scream. So loudly he could've woken the dead and their brothers, but he didn't care at all. His arms were soaked by the time he was done and he breathed heavily. All his emotions were running together as one and escaping from his body, he finally looked up towards the night sky which was already blanketed with stars.

"Cas…" Dean croaked. "I-I know you're not up there anymore and I know you probably can't hear me but…I-I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said back there I was just…dammit Cas I'm no good at this! Humans get angry, they yell, they cuss, and they say things they don't mean to those they…care about. I didn't mean to hurt you. My words were harsh and I just…hope you'll forgive me if you can hear me in any way…please…I'm sorry Cas."

Dean cried a bit more, he looked down at the water his own reflection mocking him in the ripples but it was soon joined by a second and more familiar face. Dean spun around; red eyed and flushed, and looked into the eyes of his dearest friend.

"Dean…" was all Castiel said.

**Read and Review**

**Another cliffy I know. Dean was mad at Cas *sad face* don't worry they'll make up. **

**School's gonna swamp me here pretty soon but thankfully (although unfortunately) this story is almost over BUT not over yet. **

**More to come soon guys just please be a little patient with me it's my senior year in high school and I have to work hard this year.**

**See you next chapter :)**


	12. Chapter 11

~Eleven~

Dean breathlessly looked upwards at Castiel. His breathing was heavy and wasn't ceasing to be anytime soon. He suddenly felt all of his emotions coming out of him, they were almost too much to handle. Dean paled. He covered his mouth with his hand and ran away from Castiel towards a nearby tree. He fell to the ground and heaved before vomiting several times. Sweat slicked through his hair and dripped down his face. He tried to stand again, but his legs and arms were shaking. He felt dizzy and faint before he also felt a strong pair of arms on his, holding him steady.

"Dean." Castiel said his voice more soothing than ever. "It is alright…just breathe…you're going to be alright."

"Y-You can't promise t-that Cas…" Dean stammered, coughing still from the rising bile that he managed to swallow back down.

"You're right I can't." Castiel admitted. He sat Dean down by another tree and kneeled in front of him. "But at the moment, you are safe, I've got you Dean…I've got you."

Dean took in the words Castiel said and slowly his breathing and heart rate went down back to normal. He felt the emotions leave his body, all of them. He was numb, but it was the good kind of numb, the comfortable kind, and the kind where you felt safe. He reached out his still shaky hands to Castiel's forearms and hoisted himself up from the dirt. Castiel helped him to his feet and walked him over to the water. Castiel cupped his hands together and dipped them into the cool water and brought them up to Dean's lips.

"Drink," Castiel encouraged him with a nod. "You need to replenish the fluids you lost during the induced vomiting."

Dean graciously drank from the ex-angel's hands then sighed and leaned back against the ground again. He was tired, he was burnt out, but most of all he felt alone. Well, until Castiel had come he'd felt alone that is.

"T-Thanks for staying Cas…" Dean breathed out.

"_Whatever it takes I will stay here with you." _Castiel quoted with a smirk and a chuckle.

"Glad you're learning about music Cas," Dean found himself laughing too. "But did you HAVE to quote Jefferson Starships?"

"I learned from the best Dean." Castiel smiled at the hunter. "And yes as I attempt humor I figured it was appropriate."

"Don't ever change man." Dean smiled thoughtfully and looked up at the stars, he then looked forwards through the trees…and he saw the night sky far off in the distance. He saw a hill, a grassy open flourishing with life, hill and he wanted it. He stood and started to walk. Castiel cocked his head and stood up as well, confused. He followed behind the hunter cautious and observant to his footsteps which almost echoed in the silence.

"Dean…?" Castiel asked.

Dean didn't answer. He stepped slowly and each movement was planned and careful, as if he were in a movie. He traced his fingertips along the rough yet comforting and familiar bark of the trees around the lake. He looked forward and saw the old rusty tire swing that he and Sam had put up in one of the trees years and years ago. It was old and probably not safe by now and it remained in the same place they'd left it, looped multiple times around the branch it was tied too and dangling, blowing slowly back and forth in the light breeze. This path was new and uncharted, he figured he and Sam had just been too busy trying to forget their lives when they were younger to notice the clearing towards the hill. A fallen tree obstructed their trail for a mere moment and Dean simply leaped over it, he felt seven again, weightless, fearless, and five. He landed firmly on his feet on the other side and he extended his hand to Castiel who took it and climbed carefully over the log stepping slowly on the other side. Dean's hand felt worn yet soft at the same time and Castiel couldn't help but hide his blush. It didn't feel like midnight, in fact it felt as if time itself had stopped. Dean was here, he was here on this earth in the perfect place and with Castiel. If anything could count as a first date, Dean hoped this was it.

They walked a little bit further and soon they were at the edge of the hill. Dean paused a moment to take it all in. It truly was beautiful. He jogged up it, feeling closer and closer to heaven each step he took. That was what he was hoping for. He felt like a prisoner in his own mind right now, he wanted to as close to what was left of heaven as possible. Zach and Megan's parents didn't know what had happened with the angels. Dean hadn't intended on telling them ever, he just wanted them to believe Megan was resting well and maybe she was, but as far as Dean was concerned she wouldn't fully have peace until Kevin figured out some way to put the angels back in heaven.

"I-I wanted…" Dean then begun to explain his reasoning.

"No need to explain Dean," Castiel held up his hand and nodded. "You want to hear her? To know she's ok? It's often how angels on earth keep in touch with one each other whilst they are on earth."

"Can you hear anything?" Dean asked, looking upwards again at the twinkling stars. "I mean hell you used to have angel radio built into your noggin?"

"I'm afraid that was revoked when there became no angels to hear Dean." Castiel sighed; he hated being reminded of his lack of help towards the Winchesters now that he was human. "The only soul I can feel anymore is, well, yours."

"Why mine?" Dean gave Castiel an interested look.

"Because Dean we do share a more profound bond that did not go away with the revoking of my powers thankfully," Castiel explained, he turned his eyes away from Dean's and up towards the stars. "And because I really chose to keep feeling it."

"Do what you want Cas, but I'm nothing special and neither is my soul." Dean chuckled but Castiel met his gaze again with the same stone cold look he'd had when he and Dean had first met.

"You're soul is very special Dean, it is you in your truest essence and form and quite frankly Dean," Castiel said. "You are a beautiful fucked up man, but you're soul is the most incredible one I've ever felt in my entire existence and I am grateful to have been given the chance to feel it."

Dean was speechless. His mind was in a total haze now. Castiel's words had plunged into his chest and seized like a deer in headlights. The silence around them wasn't eerie so much as it was filled with unspoken words and thoughts. Dean opened his mouth to speak, but then Castiel spoke first.

"You should go back to the bunker and get some sleep Dean," Castiel looked upwards one last time and started to walk away, hands behind his back. "We both should."

Dean was speechless again, he had wanted so badly to confess, but found himself with no words. He looked up at the stars again and determined they weren't in alignment tonight for this. It was truly a dent in his grand master plan, but Dean knew even the best plans sometimes went awry. He took a deep breath and started down the hillside. Castiel waited a few moments until Dean left the picture before he spoke.

"Father forgive me for I have sinned," Castiel stated, chuckling a bit. "I suppose that's how all confessions start, I wouldn't know, this is my first time. Father I have failed my brothers and sisters by casting them out of their beloved home, your domain, and for that I will forever be guilty, but I do ask your forgiveness and possibly…your advice?"

Castiel paused a moment. The breeze blowing through his hair, he took that as a sign to continue.

"I was sent some years ago to rescue Dean Winchester, the righteous man, from perdition a feared place by all of my kind, but I volunteered anyway. When I touched him in such a vulnerable state down there, I felt a connection, the profound bond I speak so much of if you may. It was powerful and it still is every day I am with this man. It's as if the water from all of your oceans has flooded my heart and I'm drowning, but it's not painful it's pleasant. It's a pleasant way of something similar to surrender. I am a warrior, warriors are not taught to surrender, but this time I fear I will not have the strength not to do so. I feel, complete when he is beside me, I feel as if there is no demon inside of me that beckons me to fail and I feel your presence in him Father. I feel it every time I look into those emerald green eyes. I am not asking for compassion or even to hear your voice, I just need a sign that I am doing and feeling the right thing Father for I have fallen in every way imaginable and will continue to fall every day in Dean's presence. Please Father? Give me a sign."

Castiel waited a moment. He closed his eyes and felt his words; he felt them as they'd spilled off his tongue and hopefully into his Father's awaiting ear. He finally felt a coolness sweep into the warm breeze and it tickled then held his cheek for a moment. He looked upward one last time and smiled.

"Thank you Father." Castiel nodded and started the long walk home.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Dean sat on the couch in Bobby's house, drinking a beer as usual. Dean suspected Castiel was on his way back from the hill right that second. Sam walked into the kitchen and smiled over at Dean. Dean smiled back slightly and waved a little at his brother. Sam came over to sit next to Dean and popped the lid on a can of beer himself.

"Any luck with Juliet Romeo?" Sam smirked and took a sip.

"He's still out there running with the shadows of the night Sammy," Dean replied with a slight sigh and he tipped his beer to his lips. "He told me to go home and sleep, I didn't get a chance to tell him, how about you jumbo sized lover boy? Any luck with your trickster?"

"This isn't about me Dean." Sam laughed and drank some more. "It's about you and if you must know I have no feelings for Gabriel."

"Sure you don't and I don't love pie." Dean chuckled. "I can't judge Sammy, hell I'm harboring a crush on an angel too."

"Ex-angel Dean," Sam pointed out. "And even if I did, which I don't, he'd never return them we have what's called a mutual understanding of one another nothing romantic."

"I understand Cas he understands me, that sounds like someone else I know." Dean smirked and leaned closer to Sam in a mocking fashion. Sam laughed but he'd preferred if Dean hadn't brought up the subject of Gabriel. He'd never intended of ever having anything romantic between him and the ex-archangel ever. He liked the idea of something feeling sympathy with him and convincing him he wasn't a freak. Maybe that was love, maybe it wasn't. It wasn't, for now at least, going to progress anywhere beyond mutual understanding or in a twisted way, friendship.

"That's you Dean." Sam replied. "Besides I think it's more than a crush when it comes to you. I honestly think its true love."

"You make it sound cheesy and cliché." Dean stated.

"Isn't that the way it always is?" Sam laughed. "You know weak in the knees, shaking, and palms sweaty, you see your world in their eyes and you can't imagine life without them."

"I feel like this is turning into a chick flick moment." Dean grumbled.

"Maybe it is but it's a much needed one," Sam replied. "Anyways Dean I know deep in my gut that you're afraid?"

"I'm NOT afraid!" Dean replied defensively, averting his gaze from Sam's.

"Hearts can only bruise Dean they, contrary to popular lore, cannot break." Sam explained. "You're afraid of appearing vulnerable, well honestly Dean I wasn't even in the pit and I know that bodies decompose, Castiel's already seen you at your most vulnerable, there's nothing to fear really."

"I'm not afraid of Cas Sam!" Dean glared.

"Then what ARE you afraid of?!" Sam replied.

A moment of silence passed.

"I'm afraid of not being good enough!" Dean exclaimed. "I'm afraid of messing up my words! I'm afraid of getting hurt I'll admit it! I'm afraid of the bullets that will fly at my head from heaven because I've "corrupted" an angel! I'm afraid of sleeping alone at night without him around! I'm afraid to fall asleep because every time I do I wake up and he's gone! Even in my dreams he goes away! I can't have that I can't handle that Sammy!"

Dean's desperate look was enough to bruise Sam's fragile heart. Here his older brother was, spilling his heart and soul out about the man, well ex-angel, he loved to Sam and he was at a loss for words. Dean stood abruptly, hiding his eyes and walking towards his room. After he closed his door Sam stood and walked towards his own room, closing the door behind him as well. Unaware to both of the brothers Castiel had been listening the entire time and had caught every word from beginning to end. He felt horrible, sick even, at what Dean had said. He was so afraid of telling him about how he felt that he felt the need to worry himself to death over it. Castiel debated on climbing into Dean's bed with him, but he also determined the hunter probably wanted time to himself for the time being. Castiel simply walked over to the couch and laid down. He laid on his back for awhile staring up at the cracks in the ceiling before his eyes drooped and he found himself falling asleep.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Two days passed. The weather had grown considerably nicer as time had gone by. The air had a cooler breeze and chill to it which Dean was feeling now as he sat on the hillside Castiel and he had discovered two days prior thinking everything that had happened recently over. He took a blade of grass and plucked it from the earth before proceeding to tear it into smaller and smaller pieces, something he'd often done as a child when he was thinking and really and truly a metaphor for how he felt when he did it. The grass represented his thoughts and his fingers were his desire to rid himself of such thoughts.

"It is beautiful isn't it?" Castiel commented from behind Dean. Dean turned and nodded at him before Castiel walked over and sat down.

"It's so beautiful," Dean chuckled. "I may puke."

"I find my Father's creation to be anything but nauseating so I'd appreciate it if you didn't say such things about it Dean." Castiel chuckled.

"You're a dick." Dean laughed.

"And you're an asshole," Castiel smiled at his own humor. "That's why we work best together."

"If that was a gay joke…" Dean found himself laughing just a bit harder.

"It was simply a joke Dean take it as whatever you like." Castiel replied, he looked around a bit. "Sam told me to come find you, he wants to leave soon."

"I guess I do too." Dean nodded. "I just needed some time."

"Don't we all?" Castiel replied.

"How do you do it Cas?" Dean asked. "Pretend like everything's gonna be ok? How are you so…brave?"

"I wouldn't consider brave the word Dean," Castiel commented before explaining. "And I suppose I decided a long time ago to look towards the future and what it could bring whether good or bad."

"You miss heaven more than anything don't you?" Dean asked.

"Yes I do," Castiel admitted as he ran his fingers through the blades of grass nearby. "But here's the thing Dean, I learned that heaven isn't just a place in the clouds, it's anywhere you want it to be; you could also say I've found heaven in the most curious of places I'd never expected to."

"Oh yeah and where's that?" Dean said.

"In you for one example." Castiel smiled at Dean.

"I'm broken Cas," Dean said. "And I know that for a fact, so I don't understand how you found heaven in a broken man."

"You are right Dean," Castiel explained. "You are broken. But I learned also that the broken things in this world are also the most beautiful things in this world."

Dean paused a moment. His thoughts were still as scattered as his heart and he was wandering and lost inside them like an incubus without a single dream. This was it; this was the moment he was supposed to tell him.

"Cas?" Dean said nervously. "Can I tell you something?"

"You can speak to me of anything Dean." Castiel nodded and waited to listen to what Dean had to say.

"We met in hell which I regret deeply, but I suppose fate works in funny ways," Dean begun, he'd rehearsed these words last night before he finally found sleep. He'd wanted each and every one of them to be utterly perfect. "It might have appeared to go unnoticed before but, dammit Cas I can't live without you. I don't mean like you're a bodyguard or an instrument and weapon of mine, but like I said in that hospital you're my rock, you're everything I've ever wanted to be, you're my…you're my hero Cas. You know every night before you came along, I used to salt the windows like my dad always told me to. Then you came along and I haven't had to do it since. You make me feel safe; you make me feel like I can do anything. I don't say this very often to anyone Cas, but…I love you. I always have since we met and I always will. I love you Castiel."

Castiel was taken by surprise. He slowly took it all in; he was so relieved Dean felt the way he did. He searched for words to say in reply, but Dean had stolen everything he ever could've said in response.

"I-I love you too Dean…" Castiel replied.

The sun was setting around them at an alarming rate and it reflected upon the clouds as if they were an endless body of water. The clouds slicing the various shades of red, yellow, and orange from the sinking golden orb and throwing them across the heavens. The air was warm and the breeze had picked up a bit and humidity had become almost non-existent. The clouds were like milk on saline and took the shape of will o' the wisps. It complemented the trees and the grass and the large never-ending mountains the sun was setting behind. Castiel leaned closer and Dean followed in suit. Castiel gripped onto the sleeves of Dean's leather jacket and tugged him forward so they were tumbling down the hill together.

And in that moment the hill felt infinite and endless as if Dean would never stop rolling and also in that moment Dean found that he didn't give a damn about anything because he was rolling at top speed down a hill with Castiel the former angel, his best friend in the world, and his newly appointed lover and nothing else could compare right now.

As Castiel and Dean came to a stop at the bottom of the hill, Dean laying on top of the former angel. Dean gripped Castiel's trench coat and Castiel and gripped Dean's back and then they kissed and that was that. Dean had half expected harps to play from up above and fireworks to go off, but as he kissed Castiel he realized he did in fact hear those harps in his ears and feel those fireworks exploding in his chest. Castiel's lips were soft like satin, but they were also heated at the same time like fire and Dean found it almost impossible to pull away. He looked into Castiel's eyes and saw exactly what Sam had described, he saw the memories from the night they met, he saw the trials they'd endured and the things they'd seen, said, and felt. Dean saw his world in Castiel's perfect sky blue eyes. They lay there at the bottom of the hill for quite awhile afterword with their eyes closed, just taking in everything and eventually, both smiling bright, they opened their eyes.

"Hello Dean." Castiel chuckled.

"Hey Cas." Dean smiled. His smile never faded.

**~The End~**

**A/N: Yes guys this is the end! I hope you thoroughly enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it! It was fun writing a story like this. Anyways they finally got together in the end yay! **

**I have another Destiel story planned (well I have tons but this is the one I plan on working on next) called These Dreams so keep an eye out for that one if you're interested, it'll be like nothing I've written before so hopefully it'll be good and it'll be a good writing experiment for me. **

**Again Read, Review, Favorite, etc! And I hoped you enjoyed guys it's been a good journey!**

**Until next story!**


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